Fish, Steak, and Stories

A brief break

2012-01-16T09:10:00.000Z

Dear startling plentiful readership,

I have been having some sad problems of late, and they have been making me less productive and less Bloggy than normal.

I am hoping that with exams out of the way and some actual life to be living I will return to normal soon, but if you're wondering where I am, then this is the answer!

So, I will leave you with this completely awesome photo directly stolen from the awesome CyclingTipsBlog's coverage of the TDU criterium apptly entitled Welcome to Radelaide, and we'll speak soon.

So, that was 2011

2011-12-28T12:13:00.000Z

So right now I'm writing an essay about Leukaemia, and the care nurses provide to children diagnosed with the disease (OK, not right now, but today) but I wanted to enjoy the lull between Christmas and New Year to put up a quick post I shall call "So that was 2011".

Thank you to everyone who reads this blog. Thank you to everyone who has posted a link to this page or has told someone about a story I posted here.

My favourite posts of the year are as follows:
There's the story of how my brother and I reported my mum to social services.
There's evidence of how I became a culinary genius.
This year I made loads of new cycling friends through twitter, especially during the Tour de France.
There's a post about my holiday across the pond.
My brother and I ran a half marathon for charity.

And, away from the internet I got engaged, nursed many sick children, continued working too hard, read lots, listened to lots of music, and watched lots of films.

2011 has been a very good year, and 2012 will be even better. I hope you all have a safe and fun winter break and will join me in living the fuck out of the next 12 months. Until next year, good bye.

Deja Entendu / Pfff, Seen it already.

2011-12-19T18:30:00.000Z

Last, but not really least, I give you my years most enjoyed films. As with every other list, this is just films that I saw for the first time this year, not necessarily this years best films.

3) Mr Popper's Penguins
On the plane to the US a few weeks ago my partner was laughing so hard I couldn't concentrate. I look over and she's watching a man dancing with penguins. Jim Carey is unpredictable, sometimes he's brilliant and sometimes he's Ace Ventura. Mr Popper is the stereotypical inattentive father who unexpectedly receives the gift of penguins and learns all those things people get to learn when a film tells them to sort out their priorities. I know this film is stupid, and ridiculous, and very very clichéd but it was also very funny. Oh, Penguins!

2) Shutter Island
Another excellent performance by Di Caprio, and another total mind-fuck. I watched this film twice and each time it was a totally different experience. To make a film with a twist like this that actually improves the film for it's second watching. Set in the insane asylum hidden off the coast on Shutter Island, the story follows US Marshall Teddy Daniels as he searches for a missing patient and tries to hold back his troubled past. But don't let that put you off, it will be a shock when the story catches up with you.

1) Troll Hunter
I hate this whole vampire bullshit. Twilight? It's so awful I don't know how to move on after just reading a review. But enough wallowing, you know what the new Vampire is? Trolls! This Norwegian language film follows a student film crew as they investigate mysterious deaths of bears in the countryside. After stalking a poacher they realise that they've bitten off more than they can chew. Also: TROOOOOOLL!!!

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holidays, or whatever else you like to celebrate over the winter period.Stay warm and stay happy.

Music to my ears

2011-12-19T15:48:00.000Z

This is a difficult list to write every year, for the simple reason that I am prone to falling in love with albums and playing them to death. The final five choices here make it because of where I was when I was listening to them, how good the live show was, how much time I had to enjoy them, and most of all - how incredible they are.

5) Little Hell - City and Colour
After being "that guy in Alexis On Fire" for so long Dallas Green decided to do something different. Little Hell is his new band's most recent release and the album he was touring when I got a surprise call inviting me to see them play. I'd given the record a few listens by then but seeing how enormous their show was made me completely fall in love with their music. Arguable best track "Weightless" below:

4) England Keep my Bones - Frank Turner
The reason I keep paying to see Frank play despite the larger, less intimate, and less enjoyable venues (If you want £4.50 for a beer your venue sucks automatically FYI) is that his live show is so energetic and exciting that I'd forgive him pretty much anything. I won't add to my review much but instead offer you the albums best track (and a bonus track at that) "Wanderlust" and a link to the song's atheist hymn "Glory Hallelujah" if you want it (no necessity here, if that sort of thing isn't for you).

3) Taking Back Sunday - Taking Back Sunday
It's about time they kissed and made up. I once met John Nolan and Shaun Cooper and they were fucking cool guys. I'm yet to see the band play under their correct/original line up thanks to work, but this album almost makes up for it. Fun fact - I listened to this when jogging almost exclusively because it always makes me go faster. "Since you're gone" below:

2) Kiss Each Other Clean - Iron and Wine
I wore this one out when I first started placement in NICU back in February by listening to it every day as I commuted in and every day as I travelled back. Unlike Iron & Wine's early offerings this isn't a stripped down folky acoustic record, it's an enormous rock, samba, jazz and country album covering morality, life, brotherhood, faith, and trying to outrun the law. My favourite track has to be the funky breakdown of "Your Fake Name Is Good Enough For Me":

1) The Wages of Fear - Tellison
Tellison are the reason my faith in the UK indy scene is still strong. This album is fun, adventurous, and hardcore, whilst being nerdy and full of literature references. I reviewed it better before, so I'll leave you with two of the best love songs I've ever heard: Rapture and the extremely bizarre Freud Links the Teeth With The Heart (a song which makes my current dental problems less depressing).

Honourable mentions:
Hurry Up, We're Dreaming - M83
Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will - Mogwai
Act 3: Love Will Ruin - The Never Ending White Lights.

Reading is crazy!

2011-12-16T21:00:00.001Z

This year I read nearly 50 books. For a large part of the year my commute wouldn't be right unless I was knee deep in a story. So choosing this top 5 has been very difficult, despite having a Goodreads record of what I read. In the end these books were chosen for the way that they removed me from the world I live in, with patients and illness and all sorts of things like that, and they took me far away to a better place. As usual - these aren't necessarily books from 2011, I just read them this year for the first time.

5) Haunted - Chuck Palaniuk (NSFL)
A writers retreat turns out to be nothing more than a lock in with no food, no light, no heat, and no better way to pass the time than telling horror stories. The first character story is the least palatable but every page is filled with images and thoughts that made me desperate for the mind-bleach. I won't put a full list of triggers here but this is the only book I have ever read that made me feel sick and want to put it down whilst luring me deeper and deeper in. Spoiler alert - a man dies by choking on a severed penis.

4) The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet - David Mitchell
This book took me out of my comfort zone and flew me across the sea to a small Dutch port in Japan. From swashbuckling to accountancy, from samurai swords to western medicine, this story has it all. Oddly, it's one of several books I've read that were set in Japan, but it is hands down the best.

There is a theme about the top 3 of this list. Maybe that theme is related to my job, or to my boyish personality, but the next few books are all for young adults:

3) Holes - Louis Sachar
Stanley Yelnats is guilty of nothing, but ends up going to a juvenile punishment camp where they dig holes. It's a therapy, and a punishment, and the basis of a very exciting book. If you can't find the time for this short but fun book then this is one of the rare cases where the film is nearly as good.

2) Nation - Terry Pratchett
Pratchett covers life, death, superstition, science, god and God, and that awkward time when you're old enough to read books this incredible but not old enough to be taken seriously. Not set on the Discworld, Nation is actually set in an alternate version of the world of the British Empire where most of the lineage to the throne have died in a sudden outbreak of disease. I don't think there is a man more capable than Mr. Pratchett in fitting in so much philosophy into such a simple story. I loved this book enough to immediately go out and get the audio book so I could listen on my way to Uni and Work,

1) The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
This is probably the most anticipated book to film project in the world right now, and after reading it I completely know why. I don't want to spoil it here so I won't say much other than GO READ IT! The best Young Adult, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Adventure, and even Romance book I think I've ever read. If you don't like it then I don't understand how you can exist. Sorry.

Preparation

2011-12-16T08:05:00.000Z

For the last few years I've posted about my favourite Records, Books, and Films of the preceding 12 months, a post that takes effort and memory.

2008 Books Films Albums
2009 Films & Albums
2010 Films Albums

This year will be no different, and I'm sifting through the dozens of things I saw, heard, and read right now. To keep you hooked, and in the meantime I thought I'd leave you with something nice. M83's newest release "Hurry Up, We're Dreaming" is great, but won't be in my top 5 of the year. That is a shame, because if it was I'd normally share my favourite track from the album. BUT it's nearly christmas so here you go:

This song is everything that is good in music right now, as well as what's good in 80s style Sax-solos. Enjoy.

An answer from within

2011-12-08T17:05:00.001Z

So you all know that I have in the past suffered from depression, right? Today I saw my doctor and got a diagnosis for the brain problems I've been having for the last 4 months - I have pretty bad anxiety to the point at which I have been physically unable to function quite often. So I'm going to deal with my anxiety by finding beauty in small things, enjoying life, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Hopefully I'll also stop whining about having a headache soon too!

And now, something more cheery - a blog about photos:
I live in a beautiful part of the world. I mean, if you ignore the coffee factory in Hayes, the pollution and noise of Heathrow, and the fact we're squeezed in between 3 motorways that is. The best thing about where I live is obvious: The Grand Union Canal, a man made waterway that passes practically by my front door and easily deposits me at most of the places I habitually walk to.

So here are some photos that I hope roughly show what I mean. They were taken on my crappy camera phone, but it was a beautiful morning and I didn't want to miss the opportunity.

The bridge nearest my flat.

Looking back towards the Slough branch.

Sound Advice.

Lock Keeper's cottage.

A sensible precaution.

A perfect day for boating.

While I've been away

2011-12-03T13:38:00.001Z

You might remember from my last post that I warned you I'd be celebrating Thanksgiving with my Out-Laws, who happen to reside in the celebration's natural homeland of America. So for the first time in our lives my lovely fiancée and I packed our bags and headed over to the land of overeating for THE day of overeating.

I spent a depressingly large part of the trip being ill, but didn't let that stop me from enjoying as many of the sights, sounds, and smells available. So, among my experience of note:

For my Father-Out-Laws birthday we had dinner in a restaurant much classier than I normally get let into and I experienced my first Kansas City Strip steak. It was incredible.
We enjoyed a trip around the wineries on the shore of Seneca Lake, where for a few dollars you can try a few wines from a generally excellent selection. I advise anyone who can to do this, but similarly I advise them to eat plenty before hand and get someone else to drive.
We walked the shore of Lake Ontario, before venturing up one of the lakes historic Lighthouses.
We had Moes. It was Moementous. I love Moes. Sister-Out-Law took me for Birthday Moes (a little early, don't worry there's still time for you to buy me a gift, internet) and it was AMAZING.
And we had Thanksgiving Dinner. Featuring the near famous Fried Turkey:

So thank you to my very accommodating hosts for an incredible holiday, thank you to @tkdpah for the photos I stole without consent, and thank you all for your patience while I've been away.

A hand

2011-11-12T11:33:00.001Z

My lovely fiancée just volunteered/didn't run away fast enough to be model for today's picture post. I present to you, a drawing around her hand coloured in to look like a turkey (just go with me on this one, it's better/much worse than my last attempt).

Thanksgiving is a fictional American celebration of life/lifestyle featuring the eating of many delicious animals, and it is coming up! I will be taking part this year by deep frying a whole turkey (probably?) with my extended family. So, in the appropriate style -

I am thankful for my friends, family, awesome career and wonderful life. I am ungrateful for my generally good health, easy lifestyle, and excellent good looks. I also am thankful for my brains deception so I can't tell how bad my own artwork is.

Happy Thanksgiving if you're on that side of the Atlantic and happy waiting-for-Youtube-videos-of-people-injuring-themselves-frying-turkeys day to my British friends.

Erosion of skills

2011-11-10T11:06:00.002Z

A wise man once said that "A lie can run around the world before the truth has got its boots on". I think that these days it could also be expressed that "A lie can get 1000 re-tweets before the truth has signed into his account". The Internet provides us with more information than ever before. I can be an expert in any subject I want simply by Googling the right string of words. My question is: Does this freedom of information make us less able to think for ourselves.

Two examples:

1) Our friends over at Reddit.
A post appeared on Reddit calling peoples attention to a lawyer openly bragging on Facebook about sending an innocent man to prison. Someone saw the Facebook post in question, screen-capped it, and put it on the web for everyone to see under the title Douchebag Lawyer. Why haven't I provided a link you ask? The post was taken down after it came out that actually the guy was a law student in a mock trial that was having a joke with classmates online after the event. Not a real lawyer, probably not a douchebag, and no innocent man sent to prison.

2) I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you pesky poppies.
Almost every one's Facebook will have at least one post like this:

Yes, that says 1102 people read this and shared it with their friends on Facebook. Why is that a problem? Because it is an excellent example of the Cherry Picking Fallacy as well as providing a great example of people reacting with insufficient knowledge to do so. A more specific explanation can be found HERE, by the way.

I'm using these two examples to suggest that in an era where information can change hands at the speed of light (literally) we are happy to sacrifice critical thinking in favour of speed. XKCD joked about how wikipedia is used in place of actual understanding (by almost everyone, I expect). As a university student I find myself under threat from misinformation constantly - my Facebook feed looks like the final resting place of the Snopes archive, my essays need to be triple checked to make sure someone elses presumptions don't make it in, and my friends and I talk about what they read online as evidence in every argument or discussion.

I have no solution here, merely the advice that if you read something online you should research it, or at the very least check the sources. There are so many ways to find things out factually, so please don't just be a reactive narrow minded person. Read what you see and think "Is this really true, or am I just seeing another person's agenda?". Oh, and FYI, here's some evidence that this is a legitimate phenomena and I haven't made it up...

A Trifecta

2011-11-08T19:38:00.000Z

There are three feelings in cycling that I miss. I say three feelings I miss because I genuinely don't believe they can be found outside of the sport. The reason I'm saying feelings rather than things or places is because one of the best things about having a bike is the ability to find yourself and internalise in an environment that allows you to let it all out.

The feeling of complete exhaustion. Not "oh I'm tired" but absolute exhaustion. The best thing about this one is that on a bike you can keep going past that point, and I would recommend that you do at least once so you can see what I mean. Wait, you don't have time or inclination? Well watch this VIDEO and see Mr Ryan Kelly achieve this anti-zen by getting hit with a dumptruck of awesome.
Float days. When I run it hurts. When I used to row, that hurt. Those elliptical machines? AGONY. Pretty much every method of eliciting rapid aerobic metabolism from muscle cells hurts. But every now and then you throw your leg over the top tube, push down the pedals, and feel... nothing. I rode the regional GHS Time Trial (U17 champs, sort of) on a day like that. I don't remember anything except hearing my lungs, I was just so fast! Winning without effort against insane competition is the best thing I have ever felt.
Wait up! Did I say the best thing? I lied. When you work hard you go faster. There comes a point when you're racing where everyone else is at the limit, but it's your favourite hill in 100 metres, or you're really good in the rain and a down pour is coming in. When you're the one choosing the speed, choosing the suffering it doesn't matter how hard you're riding and that blood shouldn't come from your pores and sweat from your eyes, because you're making everyone else hurt 100 times that.

I miss riding a lot. Watching the US cross scene through J-Pow's excellent Behind the Barriers series is helping, but all I want is to get back sur la velo and feel the agony and the ecstasy again. Soon, legs. Soon.

The state of Nursing within the UK; A rant.

2011-11-07T15:53:00.001Z

Warning! I'm about to link you to the Daily Mail. I know, I know. So sorry, but I think you should read this article before you read my blog. It is HERE. OK then, lets preface this post - I'm a male nurse in training, and a somewhat proud feminist, and a thoroughly nice guy in my 20s who has the life goal of being happy and being good at my work.

The CQC have released a report telling us that in the UK 55 out of 100 wards that received a 'spot check' from their assessment teams did not meet the minimum standards required for nurses in this country. They tell us horror stories of how nurses were uncaring and failed to look after their patients. I've read a lot on the subject and have also read about all the theories on how we as a profession are uselessly failing our patients. Which is in my opinion untrue but none of my relatives are receiving sub standard care right no so perhaps I'm not as reactive as some other authors have been.

So we all just tried to survive that Daily Mail article and we learned a few interesting nursing facts. Lets start from the beginning shall we...

The author describes having had a pretty awful experience with her sick mother in hospitals, one which she recounted to Tony Blair who we all know was quite looking forward to reforming the NHS (before Labour realised it wasn't the right thing for the time and slowing everything down, obviously). That is her story; patients and their families hold tightly onto their stories and it is not the place of my blog to question any aspect of her experience. Tony promised he would reform the NHS and fix nurses. A somewhat patronising remark, but so we're told. The CQC report has proven a "widespread collapse of the ethic of nursing". I mean, if you read the data it doesn't actually tell us, or even allude to, more than half our hospitals failing, but I see how one might extrapolate the data that way.

By now everyone should have their Lady-with-the-lamp-radars going off. The article informs us that Florence Nightingale, the inventor of nursing wanted nursing to be a moral act, and that women should stick to what they do best - holding damp tea towels to the heads of patients and swooning in their corsets when the doctors walk by. Modern feminists, those miserable doc-martin-wearing-but-not-doctor-respecting so and sos decided that they should reform care. Apparently they decided that "caring" should be removed from nursing, equating it with being the doctors hand maiden. And with that strike, the nurses made their goal equality with doctors, women made their goal equality with men, and the whole NHS went to shit.

OK, let me begin part 2 of this post, which I shall entitle "Go Fuck Yourself If You Think You Know More About Nursing Than Nurses".

The CQC do not tell us half of hospitals are failing.
None of the articles have considered things that might make nurses feel less like caring. Maybe working 13 hour days for no money only to go home and care for their families will. Or giving up weekends and Christmas to clean human faeces and vomit at work. Or it could be that nurses are loaded with so many patients that it isn't possible for them to shoulder the emotional baggage each one brings and they're burnt out. Empathy training is suggested, but if nurses were more empathic we'd be continually crying and need nursing ourselves. Or more likely it's that we're uncaring bitches.
Roman men were nursing as far back as the 3rd century because it wasn't women's work - it was for men. Florence Nightingale didn't invent nursing. Florence was big on hygiene but that was always part of nursing. In fact it still is, hospital floors are now generally cleaner than surgical tools back in her day. I wash my hands more per shift than the average nurse would have in a week 50 years ago. I have my own issues with Flo, but apparently she's the best attempt at a barometer of nursing ability we have.
Why would nurses aim to be equal to doctors? We do very different jobs, so clearly that would be futile. We want to do better but not beyond our level. 20 years ago nurses were considered too unskilled to take blood pressure. I wish I was making that up - surely we can see how that needed to change, or do you want to wait 3 hours for an exhausted junior doctor to take your BP?
Saying more female doctors means nurses are wrong in striving to be treated better is so full of shit I don't know where to begin.
Nursing is a vocation? So what, I shouldn't be able to provide for my family because I'm a nurse? I should choose the life of a nun because it's my one true calling? No children or marriage for me please, I'm a nurse? Go fuck yourself.
Nurses still do everything listed in this article. Does this woman's experience mean that all nurses are failing because I've been in more hospital wards than she has I'll wager, and I think she's spouting oral diarrhoea actually.
I'm pretty good at what I do. I work my 13 hour shifts with a smile, being assaulted verbally and physically, missing breaks or not having time for the toilet, earning just over £6000 per year for my training (that works out at £3/hour unless I do over time when it plummets) and this article says I'm uncaring? I would love her to ask that face to face.
At the bottom some real motives leak out - this isn't anti nursing, this is anti-NHS. Well, I presume so, otherwise the author would be criticising the NMC or RCN surely.

I am a very proud student nurse who works hard with the goal of helping patients for the rest of my working days. I don't see why my calling, my vocation, should be considered moot because of the CQC and I don't think anyone outwardly criticising modern nursing techniques should throw stones without joining me in my glass house of total transparency.

The student workforce

2011-10-30T21:38:00.000Z

I am currently training towards a profession, nursing, where I can look forward to a career in health care in one form or another right up until I retire. Before making that career choice, however, I was one of the thousands of UK students finding themselves in a position of completing a degree with no real career in front of me. I spent my first degree working every job I could, from reception to managing a theatre and even working in research. Then I graduated, took the first job I could get with my university as nowhere else would take me, and was promptly made redundant.

I was just reading an article about the unpaid internships that are increasingly becoming the norm and got to thinking about how the employers of the UK think about university graduates. I regularly see circular/bulk-emails with 'job' opportunities telling me it will be "great experience" and I'm starting to smell a rat. Now, don't misinterpret this - a lot of graduates are missing the basic job skills needed to succeed in any industry: communication skills, admin skills, IT skills. Many of the jobs I see offer those skills and will fill a CV gap.

But they won't get you a job.

An unpaid intern is, to my mind, the same as an unpaid placement student. It's a total piss take by a business that wants to get something for nothing. A friend of mine worked for a company for her placement year. As it was a placement and they were training her she wasn't paid, which is sensible if you consider she was there to be taught and to learn. As the company consisted of only a few other (paid) employees and the owner, however, she soon ended up taking on projects unsupported, working as a salesperson, administrator for her colleagues, and occasionally accountant. I see how that could be considered good for her CV but she was doing the work of an employee with none of the money. And it's fine because she was 'on placement'.

We're now approaching the position where graduates are seen in the same way as placement students - they're desperate and need a foot on the ladder so will work for free or (more insultingly, I think) for a free lunch. When I graduated I struggled to find paid work as I was over-qualified. This is a bad example in some ways because I spent a large amount of time playing Xbox and eating toast when I could have been job hunting, but with a degree and plenty of experience I was 'too good' for paid work, but not good enough for many unpaid internships I looked at.

I have no conclusion here, so I'm sorry. This little rant is just my attempt to understand how graduates, who soon will be paying nearly £30k in fees alone, can be treated so badly by the industries that they are desperate to work in. The friend from above? After an unpaid internship got a lovely job for a massive globo-corp, but that makes her a minority. So fuck working for free and fuck a system where people take unpaid work out of desperation and that demand can be used to justify providing unpaid work.

Again again // repeat repeat

2011-10-21T17:38:00.000Z

Tellison split up I think. The distance must have been too much, which I guess I understand. But it upset me, because their first full LP was just the most wonderful record, with tracks like New York, New York, and Gallery it was musically brilliant, mathematically vague, and independently published. But I think they split because I remember thinking that the one good thing was that at least we didn't need to worry about a disappointing second album. If the package that fell onto my welcome mat while I was out to do is anything to go by (It is) then I can safely say their follow up is not rubbish. It is great.

The Wages of Fear is one of those albums that you sort of already like when you get it. Because of Steven's voice. Or that chugging guitar that never quite breaks into the full power chord. The songs are still catchy with lyrics like "I may have some writers block, but I'm still useful to you / I stick up for you in fights and sing to you at night (but only my old songs...)" in the opening track "Get On" being sing along material by the second listen. The first single, Collarbone has a middle eight that I am desperate to shout out at a gig "When we're dancing bones get broken / When we're dancing hearts get broken". But most of what I'm saying is that I love this band for one reason above all others. You know that thing that bands like OK GO do, where they make videos with the intention of going (ugh) 'viral' on the net. Well you can follow the format of [1) Clever 2) Cats 3) ????? 4) Profit] to make them. And Tellison have too, but somehow it's more.

The video below is for Edith, the penultimate track and second single. And it has a cute looking cat, and mexican wrestling, and would you believe it is the most touching video I've seen in years.

Eyes right

2011-10-18T18:51:00.000Z

I recently acquired a new follower to my blog, the polite and well written Doug, and with him came several new readers, so it seems more than fair to mention this before leading into my post proper. In a recent post he extolled the virtues of his cycling sunglasses, cheap cheerful and practical, and asked if more paraphernalia is really necessary for a sport that's meant to set us free. So I'm going to argue the exact opposite - kit is an added bonus to an already awesome sport.

I have a Giro helmet, that fits and covers my vital bits just in case. I spent well over what I could have, but Giro lids are cool, and fit best, and reduce the weird alien head syndrome. My bike shoes? Nike, with carbon soles and the best performance I could ask for (Yes, cycle shoes perform. Stiffness, pliability, comfort, transfer of power etc). I ride with some cool super technical socks, because I like my feet not to hurt or smell. Glasses? Now there's the story of a sad little addiction.

I have too many pairs of cycling sunglasses. I know this because I often spend more than ten seconds before a run or a ride choosing which frames and lenses will suit conditions best. There is a science to this, sort of. Part of it is fashion, part of it is pro-cycling emulation, and part of it is practical. The fact is, they really do make a difference. All of the kit does.

At the end of my first really big ride I was exhausted. I'd spent 12 hours and almost 300km all told in the 30-35 degree heat and dust. My legs, back, stomach, neck, skin even had given up. But my feet were dry and sweat free, my head had been protected from the 6 million possible crashes en route and three escaped water bottles and my eyes? After the bight light, dust, bugs, water from drinking or hoses, sweat, and everything else thrown at them they were more comfortable with the glasses on than off. That is the sign of a product doing its job. OK, they're trendy in bikie circles, but I honestly feel more comfortable with that bit of control over how the light hits my eyes (and stopping everything else from doing it) and in the end all this kit makes me feel like my ride is more under my control.

Sailing the seas

2011-10-17T15:58:00.001Z

Recently I've been tweeting with a sizable group of American cycling fans. During the end of season big races we've shared humour, opinions, and daft nicknames whilst watching the events unfold. Off the back of that I've read some blogs written over there and the cycling culture that entails. Blogs like Velominati are fascinating to me, as a Euro-cyclist. Growing up in the UK I've had two disparate yet linked cycling cultures to enjoy, so when I read about what my world looks like from across the Atlantic I can't help but find it interesting.

Culture One: British Cycling
Ignore what Rapha or anyone else might tell you, cycling in the UK hasn't ever really been a gentleman's sport. Cycling took off as a very working class activity, matching closely to the rest of Northern Europe. As it became more popular the national body of the time imposed a ban on mass start races that wasn't repealed until the 50s, by which time a Time Trial scene had developed, and bloomed. To be a road racer in the UK isn't easy. There are a few purpose built circuits and a reasonable mass-start calendar, but to be a British cyclist you really need to Time Trial. When 4 Brits are in the top 5 of a time trial at an international level it serves to remind you of how much effort goes into getting bikes fast over here. Traditionally cyclists in the UK graduate through the club system. They start as a boy or girl and through the advise of older riders quickly learn the rules, the ways and means of racing, and how to love the bicycle. My apprenticeship in cycling isn't a common experience in the post-Beijing-Olympics days of cycling, and that is a shame.

Culture Two: Europe.
Once you get over the Tour de France there are two events that capture the imagination of new cyclists, usually. The Tour of Flanders and Paris-Roubaix. Living so close to foreign shores has it's perks; I've ridden them both. Twice. Most big pro events have amateur equivalents, and with my old man I've been lucky enough to complete two monuments of the sport. Riding in another culture lets you learn quickly. I learned style, I learned perseverance and I learned that sometimes it's OK to put the hammer down and really give it some welly. My blue-collar cycling background translates perfectly into the modern semi-PRO scene you find at most euro bike events, and I've developed having ridden there. I've ridden with big names, survived stage racing, and have a cobble on my windowsill that proves I'm not just a soft touch. Europe is my home, even if my passport isn't sure at the moment.

America is developing, in cycling terms. There is no longer Armstrong-ignorance, where unless the Uniballer is racing the event can't exist. Cyclists are educated, and willing to learn. I read the Velominati 'rules' laughing. On reflection, though, it is spot on. They are a perfect mid-point between the rules I grew up with, the rules I learned in a pack of Italians racing to hit the cobbles, and the stylish modern sport that the professional scene is breeding.

America has done a lot for cycling, from Oakley, Giro, and Nike through Trek and Specialised and out to Greg Lemond or the Phinney clan. The point of this blog is that I would like to give some respect to the third cycling culture in my world. Fighting the world-prejudice that American's don't get it, American cyclists have developed a funny, intricate, and wholly acceptable sub-culture that I am very willing to participate in. Can someone just make sure next time I ride over there the F-150 drivers realise that I'm not a target. Thanks.

Oh, and if you manage to spot that I'm wearing Lion of Flanders socks in both photos then you also must realise I am a badass. FACT.

World Mental Health Day / Running epilogue

2011-10-10T15:59:00.000Z

I've had two nights of very disturbed sleep. On Saturday night I slept badly due to a combination of two days ill in bed and some nerves about the coming morning. Last night I slept badly because every time I rolled over in my sleep my aching, ruined muscles didn't respond and my brain had a panic.

After much build up Sunday morning was time for me and my brother to slip into our running shoes, pull on our extremely well fitting vests, and hit the roads around London's Royal Parks for our first ever competitive running event in the name of the excellent charity Mind. A quick run down of the day:

London doesn't have a transport network on Sunday mornings.
We arrived with 30 minutes until the off and got straight into a queue for the toilets, where I prepped, changed, and did my warm up. The queue was by far the source of most of the stress amongst the slower classes of runners.
After the queue I found my brother eating all of Mind's food in a tent by himself. Apparently they know him well enough to not interrupt his meal.
The start was a slow trudge onto the course through our funnel, followed by a short shuffle and straight onto the glorious closed roads of the capitol. It was challenging, had a few technical bits, and viewed all of London's best bits. From behind the lenses of my sunglasses the city was perfect and completely fitting for the event.
We ran a completely respectable 2 hour 5ish minute time, starting, running, and finishing together. Individually maybe we could have done better (every slight uphill and my greater mass inhibited my running, but no one can catch me when there's food or energy drink nearby) but if I was racing for a time I wouldn't be having as much fun.
Every 10 yards it seems there were Mind supporters or runners supporting each other. The noise was almost overwhelming at times, and aside from a few bike rides I've never seen support like this for an amateur event. It was superb.

So we ended up barely able to stand but being offered food and drink in a tent run by some truly lovely people, and all we had to do was tell people about the good work they do and run 13.1 miles. It was a fantastic day of sightseeing (hah!), stopping to sniff the flowers (double-hah) and doing something good for an incredible cause.

Thank you to the Royal Parks Foundation, but most of all Mind. We can still receive sponsorship HERE, or just click to read about them HERE.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An addition:
Today is World Mental Health Day. You have, or could if you wanted to, read all about my own depression in this blog and how that's shaped my adolescence and now young adulthood. But I know that I'm very lucky because everywhere I turn I get supported and cared for and have never lost face by admitting I can't cope. Not everyone gets that privilege so I want to use this to thank two charities that have helped me or people I know:

The Samaritan and Mind.

The money we raised yesterday is enough to, amongst many other things, keep the Mind infoline open for 8 hours. knowing that for 8 hours one day our work will mean an invaluable service like that is there makes me very very proud of my brother and myself. Oh, and we got a medal already, thanks.

When a phonecall won't do

2011-10-07T14:24:00.000Z

For as long as anyone in my family can remember my brother and I have fought. Actually, let me add to that; we've fought over which of us is the big brother and which is the little one. He's stood up for me in every situation imaginable, and from time to time I've helped him out. That might mean giving him a floor to sleep on, or a sick bowl, or answering the phone at 4am to quote a favourite TV show at each other.

We're lucky really. My family is built on the premise that "family" is a static, unchanging, and very forgiving premise. I might not talk to him for a month, but there's never a grudge, we just slot back into our roles as helper or helpee as needed. In two days time we finally get round to running our half marathon. This morning my brother tweeted me to remind me of something that we shared about 6 years ago:

When I moved to Uni for the first time my brother and I were separated by distance, teenage angst, and a matching set of depressive phases as wide as the Atlantic. One of the CDs I took with me was Coldplay's X&Y, which I listened to on repeat as I slid into the home-sickness and loneliness that defined my first 6 months of Uni life. Knowing my brother was having all of the difficulties I was, but not knowing what to do about it, I emailed him the mp3 of the song mentioned in his tweets and in our respective bedrooms we listened to it and felt better.

Things have changed, we've both grown immeasurably and changed in a million ways, but it took less than a second for me to know exactly what he was talking about. However much it hurts we'll be finishing this run together, in aid of a charity we both believe in, and knowing that we have raised over £700 in support.

Run off my feet

2011-10-02T10:50:00.001Z

(Details on the activities being put on by Mind on the day - come down and cheer everyone on and I'll (maybe) buy you a beer)

So it's all over bar the shouting I guess?

My last real training session was today, 45 minutes of high intensity gym stuff to get a feel for running thresholds and make sure I didn't have any residual problems from the muscle strain I gave myself a few weeks back. That means, with the exception of some shorter "leg stretch" runs and a nice long race that this will be the end of my blog being purely devoted to the horrific sport of running.

Here's one last little teaser photo for the run itself, but I have to go - somewhere between carbo loading and planning our hydration strategy there's a good luck pint with my name on it. And to paraphrase (possibly) Al Capone:

"Donate early and donate often"

Lucky number 11952

2011-09-24T11:45:00.000Z

Shameless link ONE: Donate!

There are, in my opinion, three reasons why people do things for charity. They might want to do something for fun, like a 'gap yahh' building houses in South America, but think it's easier to do if they can get financial support. Secondly, they might want to gain publicity for themselves or their chosen charity and think an event will be better than just asking for donations.

The third reason is the one I identify with best - people who want to help a charity they care about but have already donated the time and money they can afford to. I like to think that my brother and I fall into that third camp. Neither of us are passionate about running. Personally I hate every minute I spend propelling myself forward by foot. We are both really big on our charity of choice, Mind, though.

When I was a student I was involved in a conference led by Mind on the mental health support given (or more accurately, not given) to homeless people with mental health problems. Have you ever seen a homeless person and thought "crazy"? Well Mind are one of the charities who help those people, day in, day out. Throughout my adulthood I've been well looked after by the NHS and public funded counselling when I've experienced mental health problems, but I know I've been lucky, and having charities such as Mind that will support anyone who needs their help is a safety net that any one of us might need one day.

Donating to mind will give them funds to support people who aren't lucky like we are, and I hope that by reading a little about the work that they do you'll be encouraged to donate a small amount of your hard earned money to make sure everyone in the UK has access to the best possible support and care.

On Sunday October 9th my baby brother and I will run 13.1 miles, all in the name of Mind. We will suffer, and hurt, and probably end up coming to blows, but we will do that so that we have an excuse to publicise this great charity. So please, help us meet our £700 target, and if you can come along then remember to pick up you Mind T-Shirt to cheer all of their runners on with.

Blame the Media (a film, a book, and a record)

2011-09-01T20:27:00.001Z

So here is my compressed version of the media reviews I've wanted to do - Three in one post, I must be crazy!

Film - Jarhead
Supposedly for the first Gulf war what Full Metal Jacket was for Vietnam this film tells the story of a US Marine Sniper during his deployment in Iraq. Considering it has some massive names (Jake G, for example) and is very much a big box office film I thought it was excellent. American stories about war that tell the truth are often just derided as anti-american propaganda; Vonnegut's Slaughter House Five is regularly banned for this, but somehow despite failing to put a brilliantly positive patriotic spin on the conflict this film has managed to get good reviews.
The story is dark and reflecting on how everyone fights their own war away from the actual military conflict. With little scenes retelling things US Marines reported after returning and enough male-bonding humour to balance that out I think this will probably be one of the few war films that I end up revisiting. Watching it shortly after watching Friday Night Lights did mean that the similarities between the depiction of war and of sports in films was showed up, so I wouldn't recommend doing that to anyone jaded of American cinema.

Book - How to be a woman (Caitlin Moran)
I read this with much trepidation after my run in with the dark side of feminism 5.0 a few weeks back. Briefly explained, I was at a party with a terribly well spoken woman who, after reading this book, had gained enough knowledge to lecture the table on feminism but still managed to say things like "well, obviously there are some things women just shouldn't do..." It was AWFUL.
Actually reading it was a better experience. She is a very funny author, with chapters that can be entirely worthwhile and still make me do that irritating "pfffffhahaha" thing. It needs to be remembered that as a book it tells one womans journey through life and as such gives her version of feminism, her version of gender politics, and her rights and wrongs. Some things I agreed with, some I didn't. Not the point. I see no reason why everyone couldn't gain something from this book, especially men, but there are shitloads of other resources that will educate and entertain just as well. [LIKE THIS]

Record - Taking Back Sunday (Taking Back Sunday)
Every review I've seen is almost entirely composed of telling us how this album does or does not shape up to the bands first big album Tell All Your Friends. Not a surprise as this is the first time they released an album with that lineup since TAYF, but since then they've all grown up, learned some life lessons and new chords, and figured out which bits of the emo scene were really just crap.
From soaring harmonies on "Best places to be a mom" and laid back electric strumming of "call me in the morning" to full on teenage anger rekindled in "El Paso" this album takes the 5 musicians best work in their different bands, tapes it all up, and presents it to a world looking for blemishes. As far as I'm concerned there isn't a single one.

Real TV for Real Men

2011-08-28T16:17:00.001Z

I don't like that it is now common for TV programmes on the UK commercial channels to be "sponsored". As well as advert breaks we have little segments that are meant to be funny or clever or keep you watching by separating set-up and punchline over the break (I'm sorry, but do you really think a funny little sketch will encourage me to keep watching a shit show?). But it's too late for that, the horse has bolted and weather on some channels is "sponsored" by seasonal corporations now (Snow? The weather will be sponsored by Grit (c), the grit spreading company...)

So this short blog is to cover the subject of specific sponsorship. ITV4 showed the Tour De France live every single day this summer. Not just highlights, the whole damn race! It was Amazing, and unbelievably they're keeping up the momentum by showing other races and even some stages (all?) of the Vuelta will be shown live. This is awesome, a sport that has helped keep British sport afloat in major international multi-sport events, and has loads of British stars is now being shown live on British TV.

What is not OK, by any standard at all, is how it is sponsored. Let's think - what companies should sponsor cycling? Obviously bike manufacturers or sellers. Maybe general sport related firms, who slightly overlap with the cycling venn? Businesses that manufacture anti-inflamatories maybe? Or even a continental company - they're in Spain, why not Spanish food or beer?

Have you guessed the answer? "Tetleys sponsors real men's TV on ITV4". They're tied to ITV4 for 18 months as part of the giant and totally evil brew-corp Carlsberg. Fine, whatever, it might be an embarrassing attempt at intoxicating beverages, but who cares. What I DO care about is this fucking "Real Men's TV" thing they're pushing. What the fuck are they saying?

Cycling IS NOT, and NEVER WILL BE the Tetley interpretation of "real men's" anything. The adverts are at best stupid, and at worst heavily misogynistic. I don't care if people who drink that swill also think that's funny. I don't care if ITV4 show these adverts. They also show sports and shows tailored for narrow opinions like that. I do care that a sport that since I started has had loads of women, men, in fact a really wide selection of people is being tethered to that crap. ITV4, you have got your audience wrong. Cycling fans on the whole like a belgian beer, not a pint of brown water. Cycling fans don't all talk about "the wife" like an infection, they talk about "the legs" after a bad climb. Cycling fans watch real men's TV, TV for men who like their sport and actually like and respect women.

If in doubt, ask if Jens Voight wants you to call his passion "real mens TV" in such an offensive way. He's probably headbutt you and ride off to drink coffee with his wife and kids.

Charity starts online

2011-08-20T09:50:00.001Z

Did you know that I suffer from mental health problems from time to time? If you are a regular reader of this blog you must do, I've talked about my depression enough. Recently a very close friend of mine has had a diagnosis of depression, one I think those close to them gave long before. They got treatment, got help, and are working back out of the hole. My brother and sister both suffer with "more than just the blues" from time to time, and countless more of my friends have had one or two bouts of depression in their life which have passed and moved on never to be heard of again. And this is just one of hundreds of individually classified mental health disorders.

The charity Mind are one of the UKs leading mental health charities, with campaigns ranging from mental health at work to support for homeless people that would otherwise be ignored and classified as "crazy". Like my other charity I plug on here, The Samaritans, they are all about supporting people who need it without judgement, something I strive for in my own career and often fall short of the standard set by these sorts of groups.

So: In October, just 50 days from when I write this post, myself and my baby brother will be teaming up as "A Swift Half" to run the Royal Parks Half Marathon! We'll be running it in aid of Mind, and as such this will be raising fund from everywhere that we can. I know you get asked this a lot, and everyone you know has three justgiving type pages but if you can find yourself supporting this endevour with a small bit of change it will be extremely welcome from the both of us, and from the thousands of people they help each year.

Forward this post, of my own link of http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/pendragon around the net, and help us to help others. If you're in London you could come down, watch, and maybe even join us in the pub for a ceremonial swift half (followed by us taking all of your loose change for charity, of course).

TL;DR? We're doing a 13 mile run for Mind, and if you donate money HERE that would be AMAZING.

Elton John and me, a review.

2011-07-19T14:35:00.000Z

This weekend Emma and I headed out to see our first music event in months and months, Magic Summer Live. The event, hosted by a London radio station that specialises in chilled out pop music from the last 50 years, rather than just current music from the charts. This is a slight improvement on the crap most commercial radio plays, so Emma listens a lot, and I do occasionally. Thanks to Rai and Roo we heard that there were discounted tickets via the website Groupon, making the event suddenly affordable, so we booked up and planned our day out. On the day myself and plenty of other people tweeted negative things about the event (see #magicsummerlive) and I want to use this post to review both the acts on the day and the event.

First, the music:
Elton John and The Lighthouse Family headlined the mainstage, with a second smaller stage featuring mini-performances from some of the shows currently running in the west end. These professional artists (read big name acts and stage shows) were great; all the musicals were perfect, obviously given that it's what they do every day, and the two big acts had great stage presence. Elton John played a fun set of all the songs the audience wanted, just about scraping out 2 hours on stage. The Lighthouse Family were if anything even better, but their set was cut short at it's peak, so they could set up for Elton, a huge waste given it was the first really good set of the day. As for the other acts? I know they're current in the Magic playlists, but not one stood out as anything other than "on stage". This might not be entirely fair but that's how I felt about the performances we actually saw.

Second, the event:

My first open air festival (after dozens of folk festivals as a child) was probably Reading Festival. Since then I've been to approaching 30 out door events from week long festivals to single evenings, and I've lost count of how many gigs in general but it must be over 250. Of all of those this was, without question, the worst organised event of the lot.

Some things aren't to blame on Magic:

Our camera's batteries ran out within 20 minutes.
The weather was pretty awful
We didn't arrive in Hatfield until 12:50

The list of organisational problems is longer. We arrived on site with plenty of time before the first bands came on. As we came through the town there were no signs telling us where to go. One sign to the parking area was put up as we went through the roundabout in question!. The queue into the site took 1 hour 52 minutes, during which time we managed to miss two bands and one musical. Once in there was another 25 minute queue for the box office to get Groupon tickets validated. The tickets (~£65) were more expensive than an event like Hard Rock Calling (£59) and slightly less tha an event the size and scale of Reading (Day ticket £82). The number and size of bands compared to the number of tickets meant that the Groupon price of £30 (plus £15 per car for parking) was more reasonable, but people getting that deal were severely punished (we missed The Overtones whole set while queuing).I'm particularly glad that I didn't spend £115 to be in the VIP seating - no reduction in queues, the seats weren't covered, and there was a decided risk of being a very long way from the stage.

Despite it being suggested that people take picnic blankets etc we weren't allowed to take in picnics for security reasons. One - that's an outright lie, if it was security then why could you take in pretty much anything else; who was last killed by a jam sandwich? Two - the quality of the food service did not make up for it. Cost was comparable to other outdoor events, but for the thousands of people there to see the bands there was a two hour queue to get any food thanks to there being only 12 vendors. Our £8 burger and chips (queue - two west end performances and one main stage performance in duration) can only be described as embarrassing.

And don't even get started on the sound quality! I'm not going to complain, I'm just going to ask the organisers to think about what they want the event to sound like and not just take the bare minimum.

I enjoyed the Lighthouse Family (Except their set being ended so suddenly, don't say "we had to get ready for the next performance", look at what the audience wants and provide it), the stage musical performances, and Elton John. I did not enjoy virtually anything else about the day that was provided by the organisers. I hope that if they run the event again they'll do a bit more research and think about what they want from the day. I suppose it was a reasonably planned money-making scheme but they've ruined chances of repeat business from anyone but the least aware music fan. An expensive disappointing day.

Dear David Millar

2011-07-17T09:15:00.000Z

Dear Mr Millar,

When I was 12 I started to get interested in bike racing. I rode my bike everywhere all that summer, and over the autumn and winter got my first road bike on which I set about training with my dad and my new club. I watched the 2000 Tour de France avidly, not only was it my first Tour I'd really known about but this British guy had beaten Lance Armstrong to win the prologue! From then on I followed the highs and lows of your career through the magazines and race coverage on TV of the time.

When you were arrested in France I was heart broken. One of my heros, a man I respected and trusted implicitly, had been found out as a cheat and a liar. All of this was happening at the same time that I was cutting back on my training, and choosing academia over being a fairly average bike rider. Cycling became a smaller part of my life, one that I missed but couldn't really take that seriously, and the professional scene became that much less interesting to me.

Reading your autobiography "Racing Through the Dark" this week I revisited what I remember of your career when I was cycling competitively myself. Events like your Angliru protest mean different things when explained from your own perspective. The scary world of doping that as a cyclist I only ever experienced the mildest versions of becomes understandable, perhaps even relate-able. Knowing the way that as a teenager I worshipped your riding and you hated yourself for it made me feel guilty. The fans and cycling establishment caused much of the doping culture with our clamouring for more epic and more incredible performances.

I was excited watching you take the national championships in your Saunier kit, more than watching you in the Tour. With that win I felt that you were back to being the David Millar whose riding excited me so much in 2000, the man who I implicitly trusted and respected. Your honesty about doping without the need to "do a Landis" and raze the sport to the ground shows integrity that is far more important than having actually doped.

Reading your book made me remember how much I love cycling. Thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you haven't read Millar's book yet then I think you should. After the deceit and dishonesty that cycling fans have had to become used to it's a pleasure to read someone telling everything without using it as an opportunity to dig himself out of a hole. David Millar remains the coolest Brit on two wheels, in my opinion.

Le Tour Stage 4

2011-07-05T09:42:00.000Z

Who would bet against Gilbert? On Twitter a lot of the discussion is comparing le Mur de Bretagne with le Mur de Huy in Fleche Wallone, and after dominating stage 1's uphill finish, stage 4 should be perfect for him. Below are the 2010 and 2011 last runs up the Mur de Huy, outlining why Gilbert, Vino, El Pistolero and even Frank "not crashed much yet this year" Schleck can't be ruled out. I'm inclined to add a bit of French to my guesses so after Gilbert am going to put forward Tommy Voeckler and Pierrick Fedrigo. Can't wait to watch today's stage.

3 weeks off

2011-07-02T09:24:00.000Z

Today is the best day of the year. Why? Well that's simple; the Tour De France starts today in Ouest-France with a road stage taking in the Passage du Gois and finishing on a 4th category Climb. Last time the tour hit the causeway of the passage du gois it was total mayhem, and more importantly mayhem that started Armstrongs rise to victory. This year noone will want to mess about and the chances of crashes is about 99% (Just ask the experts).

This year I will be trying my best to watch the tour, and where I can't watch it place 'bets' on twitter via the #tdfbetting hashtag. Please feel free to do so yourself, and if I can find time I'll keep a record of how I (and maybe you) get on, if you wish to tweet along.

For the purposes of the first stage my bets are based on strength of teams, strength of riders, and who will want to keep their powder dry:

Let the madness of Le Tour begin!

Let's be Frank

2011-06-12T12:57:00.000Z

I have had Frank Turner's newest album, England Keep My Bones, for just about 5 days. After I finished my string of night shifts I finally sat down, turned on my stereo and set it playing, so I could really enjoy it and not ruin my first few listens on the commute to work or on my break overnight. Did you know that Frank Turner is The Man? Well this album has done nothing but reinforce that opinion for me.

In his last album Frank reminded us about how we're getting old, and dreams of being Astronauts have long since passed (Isabel, Live Fast Die Old). EKMB opens similarly, telling us again that we won't all be stereotypically famous and successful, but that we can give it 100% and surely that's worth more? Me and Mr Turner have a few pointed differences. He's a libertarian, I'm a socialist. He's a patriot, I'm definitely not. He's a successful rock star, I'm a murse. That doesn't mean he doesn't write albums that I can completely fall in love with.

This album is Folk. It is Punk Rock. It is Rock and Roll. Songs like "I am Disappeared" and "One foot before the other" are serious rock/punk efforts. Sure the signature keyboard sound off Frank's band are there, and he's still playing his acoustic guitar but the songs are so big and heavy (both musically and lyrically) that they can only feel like hangovers from his Million Dead days. "I still believe" and even "Peggy sang the blues" are Rock and Roll. In the formers video the imagery plays up to this heavily. Lastly we have songs like "Rivers", a folk song that harks back to English folk of the Richard Thompson era and "English curse" that goes back even further, to traditional folk standards for the country.

Frank Turner has made a diverse and varied album of rock songs that can slot into many different categories successfully. Artist like FT make their living writing about the truth of existence. Bands like the Arctic Monkeys and the Streets have done similarly and fallen into a quite serious trap - to get big singing songs about queuing for night clubs and money worries and keep writing like that once the queues get skipped and the money flows into their banks. Somehow Frank has dodged that particular English curse by writing about his own life without alienating the fans who make his life what it is. Unless you're into rap music it's likely you don't give a fuck that your favourite band paid for their bling out of your pocket, so an album about life and death, about music and performing is exactly what I wanted to hear.

I want to see him play this record live, because it has all the hallmarks of an amazing Frank Turner live show. Big hooks, touching moments when the audience can sing along and hold hands, and hardcore guitar parts when you can hit the front screaming.

We are the blood cells alive in the bloodstream of the beating heart of this country.
We are electric pulses in the pathways of the sleeping soul of the country.We are Electric.

I know this won't fix things

2011-05-29T22:30:00.000Z

I feel pretty shitty about my first under graduate degree. I feel it was miss-sold to me, that even then it didn't meet the basic standards one can expect, and that the degree itself has been little to no help to me since I got it.

I studied Sports Sciences, specialising in developmental biomechanics at a London University. I chose that degree because, aged 18, I had no clue where I wanted to go at life but my grades in PE were really good and I liked science. The course itself was hit and miss. Shortly after starting I realised I didn't like a lot of the people there, and that by choosing different modules it was possible to skip the science part almost entirely. Luckily, I found I could skip the "sport" part too, so focussed on maths, physics and researching cool stuff.

The degree cost me three years and some daft amount of money. After graduating I looked at where to go with my life and realised that I had been tricked. My qualification meant that I could go in a million different career directions, but almost exclusively on the proviso that I took a further qualification. Sports Coach, teacher, personal trainer, sport psychologist, sociologist, biomechanist, physiotherapist, athlete. All of these directions were open, as long as I could commit the money to study another qualification, and in several cases another undergraduate degree.

I don't mean to say it was a waste of time, however. I learned more during my three years study than I can really explain - I worked in dozens of different jobs, doing hundreds of different tasks. My professional skills improved no end, I found myself, I found hobbies, I found friends. My 3 years were great fun. But as a slightly more mature, and certainly more purposeful adult, I resent the limitations put upon me by using my grace period with the student loan company in that way.

Overall, I think that my three years study gave me three years without having to think about the real world to find myself, grow up, fix bits of me that weren't any good, and discover my place in the world. That is a priceless experience, and a privilege I know very few people get. So when I look at my time at university (the first time round) I feel a sense of nostalgia, a sense of pride at the man I have become, but a bitterness to the way those three years went that is totally unjustifiable.

I wanted to write this post to get that off my chest, I guess. As I approach my the completion of my second undergraduate course I have been thinking more about the way that studying has affected me as a person and a professional, and a growing sense of disappointment that I couldn't have been more focussed in my late teens is becoming evident. I'm finally growing into a person I want to be, and the baggage left over from being that other guy is embarrassing...

It's always Meme Meme Meme with you

2011-05-24T11:12:00.000Z

I should be either tidying my flat or jogging right now. Instead I was reading Know Your Meme and thought I would have a go at one. This image is up on their discussion board for people to edit in MS Paint so that it looks like them. I decided that it would serve me well to have a go, and somehow ended up with a pretty accurate depiction of me at work.

Another bad day.

2011-05-09T19:54:00.001Z

I can't comment really, I don't have the words and they aren't mine to speak anyway. I've written about the loss of members of the cycling family before. I was upset then, and I'm upset today. Today a cyclist was killed during a race.

Wouter Weylandt was a classy rider, and winner in the Giro before. His crash, the circumstances around it, and the way that race media covered it live, have all come into question, but now isn't the time for us to be thinking about that. For now, our thoughts must be for his pregnant wife, his unborn child, his friends and family both in and out of the peloton, and of Wouter himself.

Well written coverage here and here.

Last word goes the Dave Millar:

I will wear the pink jersey tomorrow, but it will be in memory of Wouter, there is no celebration or glory, only sadness. I will discuss with Tyler, Leopard and the family of Wouter what we as a peloton will do tomorrow.

Edit: One of the most beautiful finishes to a stage I can imagine. A fitting tribute from the whole peloton, from Leopard-Trek, and from his Weylandt's closest friend Tyler Farrar

Daily Failing

2011-05-07T14:31:00.002Z

Do you know who I hate? Foreigners. They're always having different accents or appearances to me, and we've reached the stage where they're actually causing us British people to change our cultural habits. Traditionally we're racist and xenophobic but the cultural diversity in London is making us all... tolerant! This is complete bullshit, of course - We're not all tolerant, as THE DAILY HATE proves.

Firstly - Special investigation is new slang for heresay, fiction, and quoted opinion from reputable sources tailored to fit the story. No investigation was actually in the report - they had one former patient and spokespeople for the royal college of midwives and Ealing PCT.

Secondly - WOW; "Walk into Ealing Hospital and you could be forgiven for thinking you were in a foreign land." Just, wow.

NHS services are under pressure. We know that. Medicine is more expensive than it used to be because we have a whole host of new technologies, drugs and procedures to offer. Life expectancy at 65 [pdf] is higher than at birth in most parts of the country, in part due to how much more can be done to preserve life (albeit at some cost). This has a knock on effect on maternity services as there is an increasing number of births in the UK, a larger and more costly population, and a squeeze on NHS finances. The Daily Twat looked to find out what was causing such a squeeze and managed to find an answer and someone to blame at the same time.

In the 2001 census data for Ealings population shows that White British people make up approximately 135k out of 300k people, or 45% of the overall population. Ealing and West London are known to have a wide cultural diversity. The article in the Daily Fail tells us 80% of babies born in Ealing in 2010 were born to foreign nationals. I'm a little confused here so will admit to making the following assumption - the census data shows people ethnicity, a self-determined example of a person's cultural heritage. I presume that the daily mail are interpreting that to mean people who hold nationality (a legally defined term to show right to residence in a country) outside of the UK, as otherwise that suggests that the transient population is enormous and that people are literally flying into Ealing to give birth.

So we have a high cultural diversity, with a large number of births that is representative of that area. We have cultural issues arising, such as the example of an "Eastern European" man sneaking into the unit to stay with his wife (Because no British person has ever done that. Ever). We have a strain on the maternity unit caused by the increased cost, reduced availability of funding, and a general shortage of midwives. This so called special investigation is no more than a propaganda piece, aimed at white people who think that having an asian person in their street somehow reduces house prices, or makes them lose out.

Outright Xenophobia and racism is not welcome in the NHS. 90% of the staff are open to any person that comes into the ward, and so we should be. There aren't many white British nurses because it's a shit job. The media spend half their time pretending to support us and the other half selling us out for being incompetent or lazy.

The NHS is great, but having the politicians of the day and the media pulling it this way and that to try and prove the point that they care most is stopping people that actually do care from achieving. I know as a nurse I make the country better, and I know that the journalists who write shit about how me and my colleagues are doing our jobs make it worse. I guess my point here is don't listen to what that gossip-rag attempt at news says. The NHS is only as good as the front line staff within it, and the vast majority of us work ourselves flat out to maintain standards and do a great job.

Note - this opinion is skewed by the author's background; he started work in the NHS after a previous career and came into it open minded and positively. Sources who aren't open minded or positive will probably disagree. Wrongly.

How To Make Toast

2011-05-05T17:33:00.000Z

Did you know that you make toast wrong? I mean, it's a staple of most students lives, as well as a tasty treat or simple fast breaker for so many of us, so you probably didn't realise you weren't 100% on your technique. As a snob of many varieties, and a bit of a toast extremist, I know that the way I make toast is correct and plan on teaching you how to make it better.

I suppose the issue here is that most people see toast as cooked bread when they should really see it as the beautiful delight it is. Follow this guide and you'll know true happiness.

Ingredients:
A toaster, or grill.
White bread (Thick cut, or even extra thick) - I think that cheap is better, especially the machine made barely bread stuff supermarkets sell.
Spread, butter, or similar.
Marmite (optional to you, but you're crazy not to use it)

Warm the toaster or grill. The warmer it is the quicker our toast will reach perfection.
Insert 1 (one) slice of bread.
If using an oven type grill, flip the bread when one side is done, otherwise, keep an eye on it. You're aiming for the toast to be the colour shown next to point 1. It's called tuscan treasure and it's delicious.
As soon as it is mostly that colour rush it out onto a warmed plate, spread generously with butter and lightly with marmite. Eat immediately.
Repeat 2-4.
Repeat 2-4.
Think about stopping, repeat 2-4 anyway.
Put things away to stop you making more.
Get one more slice out and repeat 2-4.
Unplug the toaster.
Return, plug it in, repeat 2-4.
Feel guilty at eating the rest of the bread, so buy more at the shops.
Repeat 1-4.

Toast is a dangerous game.

Summer part two

2011-04-12T15:01:00.000Z

I have some big plans this summer. OK, some medium to small plans. I'm talking about them here because I hate Facebook and I know that some of my real-world friends read this. Some of them don't, so will never read that I think not reading my blog makes them tossers. Unless you guys tell them, obviously. I digress.

The list below shows a few of the semi-concrete plans I have, if you want to get invovled then you know how to reach me.

This years GBBF will be awesome, and following last years success with FF and myself having much fun, I think it would be nice for a group to go and enjoy the festival responsibly. 2-6 August!
I'm hopefully going to find time for a long weekend/short week, camping trip. Do you like camping? Cooking over an open fire and that sort of stuff? Being bitten by bugs? Warm lager or cider? Once I have some dates I will be combining all those things into a full on camping trip of awesome.
Walking from The centre of the city to The dirty west coast. It's about 20 miles, and will feature sight seeing, coffee stops, and no wussing about.

People that don't know me can read about how much fun it was here later, but in the mean time, I have some dreams to harness. And some blister plasters to buy...

Nearly Summer

2011-04-12T14:49:00.000Z

I work hard. I mean, pretty much everyone does, but I do too. Since starting my training to be a nurse I have felt under pressure; Under pressure to learn, to perform, and to not fuck up. Even as a second year student I find myself making pretty big decisions. While I'm indirectly supervised at all times, it's a lot of weight on a person's shoulders. Next year I'll go from academic work, to placement, and straight on to qualifying and being a real nurse, which means that this is my last full summer of freedom possibly until I retire.

When Lester Burnham manages to escape the job he hates in Advertising he goes out looking for a job that can give him something different (see below!). I'm not saying I don't love my job, but if this is my last summer off I need a job and I want the least responsibility possible.

So whether it is making coffee, flipping burgers, or wrenching in a bike shop for less than minimum wage, this summer I am going to do a job where the worst thing a mistake can result in is re-making an order of fries. Wish me luck adjusting.

Growing old gracefully

2011-04-03T11:12:00.000Z

I'm 24. At some point this year I'm going to be 25. That's a quarter of a century, or 2.5% of a millenium, or 3.16x10(^-7)% of the length of the cretaceous period. I tell you this because I like dinosaurs, which is related to this post and I will explain how later. After this many years perhaps I should be feeling like an adult.

There are many many ways that I am grown up. I'm registered to vote, I hold a driving license (and I think even more maturely, choose not to own a car anymore), I have a passport and have travelled all over the world unsuppervised by real adults, I have a degree and I'm training to be a nurse, which is a very grown up profession. So why don't I feel like an adult at all? A quick google search suggests that it isn't unusual to feel immature for one's chronological age, but I seem to be regressing.

For me to be able to do my job well I need to be sensible, intelligent and reasoning. I need to know bits of medicine, personal care and social care, and I need to be mature enough to put them into practice. I also need to be able to relate to children in a way that means that they will trust me even when they feel ill and grumpy. Because of that I make no effort to be emotionally mature at work. I play with trains on the floor, I sing along to Disney films and I make a fool of myself. It's how I do what I do. The concern I have is that this isn't just a sign that I know the requirements of my profession, but that I am actually a giant toddler. I still think about talking to adults, when I talk to parents or other professionals, despite now being the same age as many of my colleagues. I worry about taking part in ward rounds or a case conference in the same way I did when I had to read in front of the class aged 12.

So I have decided to reject adulthood and follow Generation X into an uncertain future. The world may need me to be an adult, but as long as I remember to watch the news now and then and don't forget to vote then surely I get to define the term 'adult'. I officially declare that adults are allowed to eat chocolate cereal for breakfast AND lunch, and will never say no to playing on a bouncy castle. It also means that I will forever be allowed to talk about dinosaurs and which one's are best, despite being at a dinner party full of professional folk (see, it sorta fits with earlier, huh?).

FINALLY. thankyou Hyperbole and a half for reminding me it's fun to be a giant child.

Long time coming

2011-03-04T12:45:00.000Z

I admit, I have sucked at blogging. In fact, this post is happening because my guilt has outweighed my desire to nap. So here are two posts sort of about stuff.

POST ONE - MEAT, SAAAAUUUCE.

I Flipping well LOVE Epic Meal Time. I mean, full on love it. There's all this food I have always wanted to cook, but have never had the time, expertise or guts to do so. Thankfully the EMT boys have come in and not only cooked these dishes but wrapped them in bacon. I understand that people might find reasons not to enjoy a web-show about gluttony at its worst, or about excess bacon consumption. But I don't care.

Every Tuesday a new video of excess appears and teaches the world what they don't already know about cooking. Next level cooking.

As a related point there is an unofficial Tumblr of EMT stuff, with the best GIFs in the world. maybe.

“We all know that no one wants to see a douchebag eat a corndog, so we brought a little girl in for all you perverts!”

Can someone get me an EMT shirt/lunch combo please?

Not that smart

2011-01-15T10:51:00.000Z

In my training so far I have seen open chest wounds, and dressed them. I have seen and packed deep wounds left from abscess surgeries. I have held two sides of a wound together while waiting for help. But you know what I haven't seen? Lacerations to digits. I don't know how to assess them, I don't know how to close them, and as soon as it becomes more than superficial I don't know how to determine if it's a bad wound or if it's not.

RACHEL SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH
I dropped a kitchen knife while turning to get a tea towel to dry it, and cut my 4th finger of my right hand last night.The wound was obviously deeper than superficial, but looked clean and straight enough. And then, like a total wimp, I went all "shocky" and decided a trip to A&E was better than an assumption it would be fine because, as stated above - I have/had no idea how to dress it properly.

I did my best at cleaning and dressing it and off we headed. In minors a senior looking nurse came over, took off my dressing I used, looked me in the eye and told me it was fine, that I had done a fine job and it was on it's way to healing already. Anyone out there who is training/has trained as a nurse will know the sinking feeling when the nurse you're working with tells you you over reacted to something simple, obvious, and should shut up and trust your instincts.

Luckily for me, rather than doing what normally comes next, pissing off to make tea, she came back and actually taught me about this sort of wound. She explained assessment, she explained cleaning and she explained how to close wounds like this best (skin glue in this case because despite what she said about it being minor it was still bleeding profusely and nothing she was doing would stop it. HA). Thanks to the backstage pass of being a student nurse I got a free teaching session by an excellent nurse and was on my way with a big ol' dressing and a head full of new info in no time.

NB, can any guess the look she gave me when I told her I'm studying Paeds, not Adult Nursing?

When did leave home?

2011-01-13T09:41:00.000Z

I read a great Article over at The Good Men Project about a father who had a brush with the law thanks to his son and the straight faced Canadian border guards yesterday. In the comments I wrote that it reminded me of a great story from the archives of my own stupidity, so here it is for y'all:

When I was 19 and my baby brother was 18, we decided to go on holiday together for a few weeks. After a fuck up with the air-line we failed to make it to Germany, so instead hopped on a train to Scotland to start our tour of the UK. We had some cash, a tent, some clothes, and a commitment to having a good time. We had some fun in our first week, meeting a couple of French guys in Glasgow (1), taking amazing photos in Edinburgh (2&3), and getting pissed more than once.

After about a week of travelling we got to Crewe, Britain's sphincter. It was a Sunday afternoon, and was rapidly becoming Sunday evening. We looked for tourist information but everywhere was closed. We asked the train station staff about camp sites nearby and were told they couldn't (be bothered to) help us. It was getting later and later and we decided to just take the cost and find a Youth Hostel for the night.

I called up the Yellow Pages, and got the number for a local hostel. I called them up and then things got weird.

Me "Hi, my brother and I are looking for a hostel to stay the night"
Them "OK, how old are you both?
Me "18 and 19"
Them "OK, and how long for?"
Me "Just one night"

I was put on hold. They came back on and asked me what our birthdates were. Where we were coming from. If we're sure one night will be enough. He tells me I need to talk to someone else, and puts me through to another person who asks all of these questions again, and asks how we'll pay for our room. I tell her by cash. She tells me they need to put me through to a specialist. A specialist to book a hotel room? I should have been concerned but it was getting late and we'd been on our feet for 8 hours.

The 'specialist' asks me the questions again. He's concerned for us, I think because I explained that it is getting late and we can't find a camp site nearby. He asks me what our home address is, and notes it's from Essex, not Crewe. He asks about our relationship (we're brothers, remember?) and about how long we've been travelling. This doesn't seem relevant, but I presume that it's just a really fussy Hostel service.

"And, why did you leave home in the first place?" He says.

I'm shocked, and ask him to repeat that.

"Why did you leave home? You ran away ten days ago and have come all this way, so there must be something you're trying to get away from. We need to know this to go in your case file."

Still shocked I ask what he thinks is happening here. I tell him we're on holiday seeing the country, we're here by accident, but by choice. He tells me that I'm talking to Social Services, and they've started a case file on two runaway teenagers who are running out of money and need help. I feel the ground fall away and realise that there has been a miscommunication of considerable size here.

In the end we straightened things up, they deleted the report, I apologised and we got a train to Holyhead where we stayed in a tiny camp site by a river and walked 3 miles to buy cider to make up for being our misadventure. I tell this story a lot, because it makes me laugh. But until now I have never told it in a place where my mother, whose address we gave Social Services, could find it. I'm sorry Mum, but you drove us to running away. Apparently.

OK, lets do this!

2011-01-01T10:16:00.000Z

I'm absolutely on a roll now: In my opinion, the best records that I discovered and enjoyed in 2010 were:

5)Have One On Me - Joanna Newsom
It's been said before that I really love Ms. Newsom's music. Yet, when this album was released I missed it and only really heard it this year. It's, I'm told, more accessible. There are three records, each with their own sound and all brilliant. I've just got new buds for my pro-quality earphones and will be listening to this in all it's glory much more frequently soon. Expect gushing.

4) Ellipse - Imogen Heap
Another one I missed last year (theme spotted yet?) and another fantastic release by Imogen Heap. It's like her other work - a bit weird and a bit too clever, but I don't care because it's beautiful and I adore this record. If you listened to it you probably would too.

3) Rock Dust Light Star - Jamrirquai
Jay Kay's band have always been good live, playing interpretations and variations of his music while remaining super tight, but their records have never done it for me. With the release of this album that has totally turned around. With a much more funk and rock sound than previous albums this album is catchy and perfect driving music, but also served as a great soundtrack to exploits in the kitchen this christmas.

2) In this Light and on this Evening - Editors.

I swear to God, I heard the Earth inhale,
moments before it spat its rain down on me.

I love Editors. I love their music and their sound, and the way that this album has managed to make me smile since I saw them live back in March is insane. Like their best music it can be dark and scary, it can be fast and hard, and it can be beautiful.

1)Recovery - Eminem
I told you, bro. I already told you. This is the best record of the year. I don't care if you disagree because I'm pretty sure I'm right.

I'm so bloody late!

2011-01-01T09:25:00.000Z

OK, as with most years, I wanted to run down my best films, books, and CDs that I consumed over the last 12 months, but I'm useless so it is now 2011 and I'm yet to publish. To try and atone for this here we go with my top 3 films of 2010:

3) Where the Wild Things Are.
I've heard it said that this film was slow, or didn't go anywhere. I've been concerned over the characters obvious mental health problems. I've been jealous that I don't have a wolf costume. But most of all, I was, am, and most likely always will be in love with this beautifully deep telling of a childrens story book. Plus, the Arcade Fire make it sound loverly.

2) Scott Pilgrim Vs The World.
Another lovely retelling of a book, this time for grown folk. Watching this I realise that it isn't exactly a normal comic book adaptation. Instead of trying to do as Sin City or 300 did and change the look this film has a totally different feel to it. The images are near identical to the books, and avoiding it's slight sexism it was totally AWESOME.

1) Inception.
I still don't know what I saw. I've seen it a few times and I still don't know. If you want to take the piss (and why not - it's ripe for it) then there's plenty here to do so with. It's intentionally over complicated to look clever, the story doesn't always make any logical sense and it can be a distressing watch for those of us that like to go deeper in our films. The film that launched a thousand memes, this is without a doubt the best thing released all year.

BONUS VIDEO: WTF Santa?!

Christmas!

2010-12-22T18:16:00.000Z

One of my favourite websites, Bad Reputation, has been interviewing people under the tag line of "Feminist Family Christmas". The questions have been interesting and the answers enlightening, so I thought I would talk about our christmas this year. I'm not a feminist, I don't identify as one but as an equalitist who thinks that responsibility should be shared equally too. So, stealing the BadRep format, here's my christmas:

TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF. / WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS AT CHRISTMAS?
I'm a student nurse in my mid twenties, living with my Successful Professional partner in a shoebox sized flat. This christmas will be the two of us doing the day together, with a transatlantic Skype with the out-laws for present opening and a few drinks in the evening. We're not really a "traditional" couple; she's successful and earns the money, while I'm training to go into a career with very limited earning potential. Thanks to various illnesses I ended up doing the bulk of christmas shopping, but presents were bought over the internet back in October for the most part.

WHAT HAVE YOU BOUGHT?
I can't tell you! I got a list from my partner and picked a few things from it, but I have also gone out and bought a few specifics. Family presents were easy - pick the persons main hobby and buy something that will fit it nicely and make up for something they're missing. What that says about buying my brother Whiskey I don't know.

HOW DO YOU BUY GIFTS?
Internet! When I'm in the shops or town centre I buy anything I see that looks interesting or fits the bill, but most things I find online and shop around until I find the price I want to pay.

DO YOU FEEL ANY PARTICULAR PRESSURES OR RESPONSIBILITY AT THIS TIME OF YEAR?
Nope! I love cooking, and despite not liking to shop I like giving and even wrapping gifts. My partner and I will share responsibility but being just the two of us we only have to worry about keeping each other happy. Dinner will be duck, but we're both adventurous cooks so who knows what else we'll have on the go! If all else fails then we have a large pot of mulled wine ready to go at short notice!

So lucky me! Christmas should be fun, and this year will hopefully be. Enjoy yourselves, and be ready for my end of year round ups of books, films, and music that are in the middle of writing now.

Follower of the day!

2010-12-02T11:22:00.000Z

Many people and business on Twitter operate on the principle that by adding people to their own follow list they will get a follower in return. I don't always understand why people follow me, and in this occasional item I plan to highlight the most unexpected followers I get.

Follower #2 - Nationwide Window.

Do you live in New Jersey? Do you need new windows? Do you want some advice from Twitter on the subject? I don't, but that's what my newest follower offered me! This time I know where they come from - I tweeted about being cold with the windows open and these canny lot swooped on my time of need. If you guys want to come over to London and fit some new double glazing in my flat then I won't stop you. Or pay you.

Once again, however, I ask you to look them up online. They seem nice, and as they say "Well done is better than well said".

Why aren't you listening to...

2010-12-02T10:48:00.000Z

Welcome to the first post in a two part blog on "records that I am listening to much more than their age should determine". It may actually be more than two parts, depending on what CD I dig out of my music collection and spin on repeat next. I'm going to start of with the wonderful Graceland, by Paul Simon.

Paul Simon was first known musically as one part of the folksie duo Simon and Garfunkel, but after they split he went out and delivered a successful solo career with numerous studio albums. His music used world influences and covered a lot of American and World political and social issues. In 1986 (The year of my birth, incidentaly) Simon released his most critically successful work, the African inspired Graceland. My mother listened to it lots while I was in the womb, so perhaps that's why I love it so much, or perhaps thats just because it's fantastic?

Graceland is Elvis Presleys home, and one of the places on my to-do list, ideally with my mother. The record has been described as the inheritor to Elvis Presley by some musicians and it uses the metaphor of Graceland being site of a holy pilgrimage for Simon. The music of the album was inspired by the townships and apartheid of South Africa, but keeps a firm American footing in terms of its lyrics. If I had to give a single subject for the album I would say family - there are songs about children and adult relationships and it is, quite simply, wonderful.

So, as a treat to yourself, here is the "You can call me Al" video, featuring Chevy Chase. If you don't own this album I would recommend that you fix that right away.

Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al
Uploaded by manon42. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Fudge you, Clegg & Cameron

2010-12-01T08:57:00.000Z

So, I woke up yesterday morning feeling really angry. Oddly, it was a really specific kind of anger; I was angry at our government. The Conservative / Lib Dem coalition government that are so under fire right now. I read Laurie Penny's article on the subject of the Whitehall Kettling at the most recent student protest in London, and lets be honest - it makes for shocking reading. I feel let down by our government.

People have a right to protest in this country. I didn't go to any of the demos because I used my power of prediction to know it wasn't going to end well. But anyone who is affected by the changes in government education funding, and anyone who feels strongly about them, should have an opportunity to make their point publicly. So I'm angry about our police trying to stop protests rather than prevent violence from a minority at protests that happen.

Are the students revolting for the right reasons? Who can fairly discuss that point (Certainly not the government!)? I didn't pay any tuition fees for my first undergrad, and pay no fees for my current one. My education has been funded by our state under Labour. Now, students from all backgrounds, be it middle or working class are having to face massive fees in the form of long-term loans, which ultimately they will have to repay. I didn't worry about my loans when choosing my first course, but I blame that on my naivety, I definitely worry about my debt now. I owe 20k to our government for my education. An education that didn't get me close to a job.

We aren't being given all the information, I fear. I get the feeling that the idea of fair doesn't really work in the current budget cuts, but perhaps that is because I have never had much money and under current conditions that won't change when I start earning a wage. In the end I'm just angry that our government are so detached from the population that they think they are right purely because they can't be wrong. This many students can't all be misguided can they?

I'll leave you with a video from the last time the ruling party made me angry and a link to a game that will teach you some police tactics.

New Branding!

2010-11-24T15:58:00.000Z

In news that can only be exciting to a certain type of person (OK, me) this blog has moved house!

We packed all our bullshit, opinions and comments up, and moved them to the shiny new URL www.fishandsteak.co.uk. I felt that at the price the domain would cost it was a no brainer.

From now on then, when looking for a load of boring crap to read just type it in and come join me here.

ALSO:

THIS IS MY NEW BEST THING!!!!111

You're a wizard, Harry.

2010-11-24T15:32:00.000Z

Following my last film post which I shall hence forth refer to as "twilight with no former knowledge" I am going to write "Harry Potter with no former knowledge". I tried to read the Potter books, and started at least 3 of them, but found Rowling's writing style so patronising and frustrating that I gave up each time. Since then I have to admit that I ignored and avoided the HP franchise entirely.

Last night we went to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the 38th instalment in the series, and part one of two films telling the story of one book. This means that like all films designed to be part of a series it will end abruptly and make no sense. The story starts with Bill Nighy doing the roll of politician as one character walks out of her family home and another one (ahh, the eponymous hero) being abandoned by his family because it's not safe to stay in the suburbs. In my head I wondered who was moving into the suburbs to make them unsafe and was this a film about xenophobia. It was not. mostly.

SPOILER ALERT - I DON'T KNOW IF THESE POINTS ARE SPOILERS OR NOT, SO WATCH IT BEFORE YOU WATCH IF YOU'RE THAT WAY INCLINED.

Harry Potter is the chosen one. He doesn't seem to be much of a wizard and he rarely does spells except for little fireballs. His mates all turn up to rescue him from the attack by the bad guys (I say I say I say, my villain's got no nose! How does he smell? Awful...). They succeed, but with some loss of life, and then baddies turn up at a wedding and everyone escapes by evaporating.

So begins a long and relentless journey as they wander aimlessly from place to place, occasionally finding tasks to do, and using a Chekov's Gun style selection of hand-me-downs from Dumbledore (AKA Gandalf). They fallout, they get back together, and throughout it all HP seems pretty superfluous to the story. So what did I learn?

The fate of the world is dependant on the Deathly Hallows, a threesome of badass weapons made by Death. In actual fact, I have a feeling that it will be one of those allegories for power being dangerous in the hands of evil, but we don't know yet. The nasties do horrible stuff to prove that they're evil, but more than that they seem to be racist against Muggles. Muggles are people who don't do stuff with magic all that often, by the way. HP is half muggle, so they half hate him. Once our heroes find out what the story is all about they head out to destroy all the horcruxes (which could be anything it seems, but they're evil). This has nothing to do with the villains trip to find a new magic wand to kill HP with, so I guess they don't know what each other is up to.

The film didn't have much of an ending and made no sense, so now I'm stuck watching the next one to try and make some sense. Key points:

Emma Watson is the undoubted star of the film.
Loads of people seem to be dying? Is that normal in a kids film?
I just don't get what it's about!
Dobby, the house elf, is a total bad-ass and I want to be his friend.
Oh, and he dies too.
HP's glasses are really low prescription so why they all keep talking about them I don't know.

Not long and someone will explain why I'm a tosser for not understanding this better, so hopefully I will get some resolution to this soon.

MEN! MANLY MEN!

2010-11-16T17:16:00.003Z

Fun fact - The Onion, is a legitimate news web site.

This fact was brought to you by today's lucky dip Daily Mail headline (this headline is on the front page of the DM website at the time of writing. I will pick it on the basis of meeting one of the following criteria: "X is causing immigration" "Muslims are causing X" or "Taxes taxes taxes". The traditional Diana baiting line has been ignored due to Royal Wedding Season. OK, off I go!)

"Early Learning Centre bans toy pig from farmyard set for fear of offending Muslims (but keeps sty and oink noise) "

So The Onion is actually a better news source it seems, whatever.

Today The Good Men Project reprinted a top ten examples of masculinity in their news stories. After the international 5 year old Daphne scandal I found the camp-Halloween costume video pretty damn funny, but these are all worth a read. Enjoy:

CLICK HERE OR THA PICTURE

Inexplicable follower of the day!

2010-11-16T15:47:00.004Z

Many people and business on Twitter operate on the principle that by adding people to their own follow list they will get a follower in return. I don't always understand why people follow me, and in this occasional item I plan to highlight the most unexpected followers I get.

Number One - Morris Jenkins.

No relation to Mr Leeroy Jenkins I believe there is no good reason why this business is following me. This company markets itself as the foremost seller of climate control systems based in Charlotte, North Carolina. I have never been there, I only know two people that might have been there, I have never bought any form of air conditioner or heater and nothing American would work on our UK power grid anyway. I'm sorry guys, I will not be following you back.

If you want an air con unit, and live in NC then please, follow them. I hear they're award winners. And reading their tweets they seem nice!

Shoot 'em up

2010-11-12T10:44:00.003Z

Do you know what I love about "shoot 'em up" style video games? The sexism. It really encourages me to keep playing new games and experiencing the male-centric world of teenage wet dreams. Oh, wait. No - I don't like that! How silly of me.

I like video games. I like playing them and I like analysing them with fellow gamers. So when my procrastination-support dumped Resident Evil 4 on my lap I knew that a) I wouldn't be working as well and b) I would have a blog post about sexism to write. The thing that has thrown me is that this isn't the post I was expecting to write.

I'm that most rare thing - a gamer who doesn't like the original Resident evil Game. I'm also a vaguely intelligent person, so don't like the Resident Evil Films. I started playing this game apprehensively taking control of the main player-character Leon. Leon is a good guy, and is off to rescue the President of America's daughter, Ashley, from a crazy cult controlled by a parasitic organism. So far so good. Then I found Ashley and began the work of rescuing her and hit a moral dilemma.

Leon is a special agent. Ashley is a college student with a privileged life. Leon wields guns and saves the day and Ashley helps out as much as possible. Which admittedly isn't much, but what do we expect when she's wearing a tiny skirt and tiny top and running around trying to hit on the agent sent out to save her? And yes, that link is from another game wank-mag telling us how hot she is.

Not very many players like the defence-dynamic where the player character is constantly saving a non-player character, but Ashley takes this to an extreme. She is capable! She drives a bulldozer over numerous enemies without the slightest suggestion from Leon. She takes on possessed suits of armour without so much as a little "help me, Leon". Why does Capcom have to make her so frustrating; she's meant to be an active part in her own rescue, but they make her either wholly independent or useless unless Leon is holding her hand?

So far we have one female character whose main skills are having long computer-generated legs and getting carried off by baddies (When you play as her she kicks some bad-guy arse, why not when she's with Leon?) But she's not entirely passive and she does make an important role in the game dynamic. So who else have we got? Ah yes - Ada Wong.

Lets ignore that she wears a rather exposing dress and is designed to be eye candy for a little. She is a serious bad-ass! Leon regularly gets into trouble, as does the NPC Luis, and every time you think it's over the mysterious woman appears and digs the men out of the mess they made for themselves. Playing the mini-game Separate Ways you take over Ada in her various scenes and gain some background on the story. OK, she's wearing high heels, but she's a much more powerful and able character than Leon, and doesn't need saving.

Negatives -

Sometimes Ashley is made excessively helpless so Leon can sweep in and save her. This only really occurs as part of the game dynamic, but it ruins an otherwise decent character.

Positives -

the women in this game are able to work independently and are given skills that make them better than the male characters. Even the female bad guys are as tough or tougher!
there is very little dialogue discrimination except from intentionally stupid/sexist characters (that are designed for us to hate).
If you're a female character then you're in love with Leon. Fact.

This game isn't ground breaking, but by having a strong range of characters and a decent enough plot line that the characters weaknesses aren't chosen entirely by gender. It isn't Duke Nukem, and it actively makes sure that a characters role determines how helpless they are - not their sex.

What should I do?

2010-11-11T11:05:00.004Z

The "Lebron Defense", which is bound to become part of our lexicon, is a reference to the Nike advert featuring oft controversial Basketball player Lebron James. In it he questions "What should I do?", referencing dozens of situations and controversies surrounding his career whilst managing a pretty effective run at remaining a plausible and impressive caricature of himself.

I mention it because, whilst it isn't exactly on topic (and I think it's a clever little campaign on Nike's part) it does make me think about another controversial public figure that we all forgive and continue to love. I'm talking about The Facebook. Since 2005 when I joined the site on the advice of my older sister, who was a Cambridge undergrad at the time, the privacy features have got scarier and scarier. My sister, incidentally, has since left the Book citing privacy and the fact that the site is becoming what some might call "evil" as her reasons for evacuation.

There is enough trouble around this issue, be it the Feminist threat or the greater threat to our own privacy that the big blue book encourages in other social networks, to scare anyone off. The most popular source for graphical explanations of the shifting privacy of facebook is by Matt McKeon. His animation (still image shown below) of changes in the standard privacy is enough to scare anyone that was alive in the heyday of internet scamming into leaving the book.

So why do I still have a profile?

Facebook is addictive. It hooks you by giving you an insight into your real friends lives and takes over that aspect of your social life piece by piece until you function almost exclusively through it. I have friends who I can only really contact through Facebook. If you're reading this there is a decent chance you clicked a link in your feed in fact.

So what should I do? Should I turn away from people I would otherwise never talk to? Will I miss them? Should I open my profile up and accept I have no privacy here? Should I accept that my temporarily locked down profile is secure enough? Should I get mad when the changes in privacy mean another loophole for someone to get my details appears?

I don't know.

Right now my page is locked down. I can't be found through search engines, to my knowledge. Unless we're friends I practically don't exist, but then I have lots of friends I don't really know that well, which is an enormous privacy risk. For now I'm going to do nothing, and every time my information becomes less secure I'm going to hate myself. Facebook really is an addiction.

Addendum - Save this link to your bookmark tool bar, go into Facebook and sign in, then click it. The applet will check your security settings and give you feedback. (LINK: Scan for Privacy)

Late to the table

2010-11-04T14:00:00.002Z

FOLLOW THIS LINK to an article about a 5 year olds 'sexuality'. In fact, scratch that. Follow the link to a post by what sounds like a pretty cool mum and her son's Halloween costume choice. Plus stupid opinions held by people who might equally be good mothers but who are full of shit.

So, a question: Does dressing as a female cartoon character for Halloween make a 5 year old boy gay?

I'm going to tread lightly here, but if we were to use the psycho-social model of development proposed by Erikson we would have to say: What the fuck are you talking about exactly? Aged 5 a child is most likely going through the stage of development of personal choice, a dichotomy of Initiative vs Guilt. Children should start to make their own judgements and decisions for themselves. They should be encouraged to hold their own opinions and not be forced to feel guilt over their decisions. Most research using this model suggests that instilling a sense of achievement for making a choice is the best way to promote healthy social development.

So we have a child making a choice and being supported by his mother and peer group. His choice may not be mainstream but thank goodness for that. What we also have are other adults, the mothers of his peer group dismissing and belittling his choice and forcing guilt into this otherwise harmless and successful situation. How exactly can we as a society tolerate people actively harming children's right to think what they want (14)?

A 5 year old cannot be homosexual in the same way that a 5 year cannot be heterosexual, namely that the majority of children at that age do not have any sexual preferences or behaviours. So if wearing a (pretty damn cool) costume makes him gay then I am terrified that there are so many super heroes, pirates, soldiers and cartoon characters out there. Clothes don't maketh the man, shall we say.

Last minute link: The best comment I read before I wrote this. slow loading from the enormous number of comments posted.

Two Plus two is...

2010-10-25T16:41:00.003Z

I do not like the daily mail, but hearing that Frank Turner was mentioned in an article about Thatcher's declining health I popped over to their web page. I admit, the Internet geek in me took over and started clicking EVERYWHERE, when I came across this mathematical conundrum:

Am I adding this up wrong? The article says that Jane Lynch is 50 and Jane Fonda is 72, which the marvellous wiki agrees. 50 + 72 = 102? I think they might need to get a new calculator at the Daily Mail? Is this why their articles about the Spending Review quite so slurred on one side?

Find a friend

2010-10-21T08:24:00.003Z

I am not a perfect person. I have as many flaws as a sky scraper (whaaay!) but that's not the point. The point is that I work my arse off to fix this and to be Better. And I'm winning. I know that it's just me taking the easy way out but I do blame society and it's expectations to an extent. This week, however I discovered a web site and community that I can understand and associate with. This community is the Good Men Project, where the idea of what being a man really is can be considered from the perspective of men who want manhood to be a positive thing. Sod it, I'm a equalitist, and a site where people I identify with talk about supporting my own and other genders in equality can only be something I like.

I have encountered sexism and prejudice in different places in my life. I have said and done sexist things. I have been on the receiving end of sexual discrimination (a story for my other blog for another time perhaps) and I don't like it in any way. So in making myself Better I try to relate my thoughts, actions and experiences about how I can fight this sexism. I'm not proud of everything I've done in my life but that doesn't mean I'm not going to expend all of my energy on never making mistakes again.

As part of their anti-bullying campaign Google have put out a video called "It Gets Better", a statement by Google Employees of different sexualities telling todays LGBT teens and young people that it gets better .

What I've learned in recent years, at work, socialy, and just by getting older, is that it really does get better. Not just for young people struggling with their own sexuality but for everyone. If you want to beat the bullies then eventually you will. If you want to be happy then you will. Because there are hundreds of people who identify with you and know that you're better than the people giving you shit. One of the best parts about paediatric nursing is that I can help my patients realise this sometimes, and the worst thing is that sometimes I can't.

So if you're a man, or a woman, have a look at sites like The Good Men Project, Bad Reputation, or any such site, and realise that there are clever people out there who want the world to be better.

Amazing shirt, BTW Google.

Summer time

2010-10-08T16:55:00.002Z

So I was going to write something somewhat more legitimate here but sod it, this video is actually too good not to post.

Want to do this!

via

This is not my work

2010-09-30T15:31:00.003Z

I'm working on Uni stuff right now. The clue to this is that I'm whipping off a quick blog to tell you about a video game I played just now, The Day.

The game is, on the face of it a card game. The player has to defeat other characters in the game with their card in order to win more cards and ultimately defeat everyone in the game. As much as it's a fun game it feels a little limited, but luckily there is another way to complete the game. I don't want to post too many spoilers, but reading the authors development notes was pretty interesting. Enjoy!

As promised

2010-09-22T08:35:00.002Z

While I was away I made it my own personal mission to enjoy the thing that America is famous for, in many people's eyes - excess. I managed to put on about 8 kilos of pure manfat, a 10% increase in my weight. Later blogs will cover my goal to lose that and the extra I already had, but for now lets talk about the much more enjoyable subject of how I gained it!

I like food, right? And I love beer, and trying new beers. America is a dangerous place to go for people like me. While we were away I mainly quaffed the wonderful brews of the Dundee Brewery, Based in Rochester, NY, Magic Hat, a Vermont brewery, and Sam Adams, the classic American craft beer from Boston.

There seems to be a big drive amongst America's smaller brewers for exciting and less common types of beer, meaning that tasting is a pretty exciting process. For example, I managed to find some Sam Adams Cherry wheat beer that tasted of hoppy, wheaty cherry soda but grew on me most dangerously. Magic Hat make a summer box with four stunning beers, but the two most notable are the Wacko - a bright red coloured summer ale, and Blind Faith - a very potent hop-bomb of an IPA with some of the best hop flavours I've tasted in an American beer. Dundee - the nearest brewery to our residence for the fortnight, make the beer that wins the prize of "best thing I tasted" - their "Bock" (that's goat for us Anglophiles) is so tasty that my only notes seem to consist of me writing "mmmmmmm" for half a page of my note book.

As much as I need beer to function (think Bender...) no trip across the pond counts without a few tasty treats to eat. Rochester is apparently famous for the garbage plate a strange heaping of food you know you shouldn't be eating. Let me be honest, if we had tried this in our first week there I would have died, but having been trying a little of everything for a while I demolished my double cheeseburger, home fries, beans, and 'everything' plate and then picked at someone else's. this could be the sign I needed a new exercise plan. We ate in a variety of yank staple restaurant chains, but in my mind there is only one place in the whole country to report on:

WELCOME TO MOES!

I freaking LOVE this place. Mexican style cuisine is my favourite, all food should be at least 30% beans and rice if I had my way, but damn if Moes isn't the best thing ever. My final Moes was a home wrecker burrito with pulled pork and black beans. Let me be honest, if I could eat this whenever I wanted I would be so fat that physicists would call and ask me to diet so I didn't keep throwing their experiments out of kilter with my extra gravity.

I had a ball, and now that's the shape I am. To celebrate my return to the UK I'm dieting a little and taking up jogging on the local trails. So far I've lost 1.5kg, but don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from.

ciao.

So...

2010-09-16T10:04:00.002Z

I might be feeling a bit down, but seriously, Amazon? Do you think that you're being funny?

America (fuck yeah!)

2010-09-15T11:29:00.003Z

This summer we managed to escape the grey skies of the UK for a whole two weeks and visit upstate New York. The following photos aren't exactly descriptive of the holiday, merely of the places where photos are considered normal (Do you want photos of a supermarket? It was pretty cool!).
Canadaigua Lake - One of the finger lakes down in wine growing country (which, admittedly stretches up as far as Fairport, where we were staying)

Below is a whole load of photos from The Niagara falls, both the American and Canadian sides.

Then we have a big long gap in the procedings and one last photo of me in Letchworth State Park, the Grand Canyon of the East.

For now, that's that. As my last post said I'm mentally out of things right now, and a little stressed, but at some point I have my american food and beer blog to finish and publish - something to look forward to huh?

Blues

2010-09-15T11:20:00.002Z

So it turns out that being in a state of limbo isn't good for a person's mental health. Due to a cock up by my University my re-enrolment for my second year is hanging in the balance. I've done everything I'm meant to do and am preparing to start in less than two weeks anyway, but the way things are looking I won't get to start with everyone else. I find out in just a few hours, hopefully, where I stand but things don't look wonderful.

This leaves the question of "what am I meant to be doing right now?" I keep meaning to do the reading I should be doing, as well as learning virtually the entirety of my pathophysiology text book as it helps relax me and forget that my career is in jeopardy.

Long term readers of this post will know that I often find myself stressed and feeling the blues and surprisingly enough this incident has been enough to make me feel more than a little low. Combined with not being well this week has become a write off - I'm not well enough to go out and get some exercise but I'm not ill enough to sleep 24 hours a day until this goes away. I suppose the point of this post is that until I get my apology from Uni I will be in full blown war mode. I don't get pushed around easily...

2010-08-22T22:28:00.002Z

We haul'd some barges in our day

Filled with lumber, coal, and hay

We know every inch of the way

From Albany to Buffalo

This is week one of my America Visit, and we're upstate in New york visiting with family (an awful turn of phrase). Luckily for me I'm a big fan of canals, as from where we are I can practically see the Erie, one of the most impressive canals I've visited, and is littered with traditionally styled iron bridges.

On Saturday we took a drive west to visit the falls at Niagara - viewing the America falls and the Canadian side (my first trip to the 'great' white north and if I'm honest, not a good way to impress visitors to the country). I have some pictures to be posted, but thought I would leave you with a song that has been on my mind; mostly because I found a satellite radio station entirely devoted to "The Boss". Enjoy!

Goin' upstate

2010-08-17T08:05:00.003Z

So there might be a slight dip in my blogging-efficiency, as I'm off to explore the wonders of the Northern portion of New York State. Two and a half weeks of irritating accents and culture shock and if I'm honest, I'm pretty excited!

Hopefully I'll blog photos from Niagara Falls or any other sights we manage, but if not please assume I'm eating a burrito.

Ciao for now!

That's OK because I love the way it hurts.

2010-08-12T10:45:00.005Z

Domestic violence, still just about a social taboo, is becoming more acceptable to discuss and less ignored. There are dozens of websites, phone numbers and contacts that people can use to get help, advice and support. Domestic abuse is still considered as a woman's problem by many, but violence and abuse in relationships can affect anyone, so the raising the profile in the public mind can only be a positive thing.

Eminem, the rapper and musician I blogged about just the other day has come under the spotlight on this subject a few times. Both because of his personal life and his music accusations have been lobbied at him, often with justification. So reading an article about him courting controversy again didn't surprise me. What did surprise me is that the controversy in question is about his song featuring the R&B singer Rihanna and the music video for it.

To many Rihanna is the public face of domestic violence, in many ways literally - a leaked photo of Rihanna after her partner attacked her is one of the most famous images of such violence. I won't post it here, but it exists and it's horrible. Can we claim that this video is glorifying domestic abuse? Let's discuss:

The video is pretty hardcore in terms of the characters that perform in it but importantly it isn't a song or a video about domestic violence. It's a song about tough relationships, about when things in a relationship aren't good but the emotion keeps people together through ups and downs. The song isn't, in my opinion, a glorification of domestic violence but a reflection of how abuse and violence can occur. The first stage in making it easier for people to come forward following domestic abuse is to remove some of the stigma.

This video shows abuse from both characters and presents it in a fairly bias-free way, and sure it's tough to stomach but I wouldn't say it glorifies it. Given that Hip Hop traditionally glorifies the things it shouldn't, guns, drugs and pimps, it would be easy to assume that's what is going on here, but I like to take the positivist view here. I mean, why would a singer who's fame is sadly tied into domestic abuse try and glorify the subject?

What do you think about this? Is it a glorification or is it Art reflecting life and we are shooting the messenger?

Important links; If you got here through Google,etc looking for information or advice on dealing with domestic violence the links below will hopefully help you find what you need. Please, don't suffer in silence.

LINK ONE LINK TWO LINK THREE

Direct link to the Refuge discreet viewing guide HERE, if you are worried your partner might find your web history etc HERE

Brilliant

2010-08-10T09:25:00.001Z

Freaks

2010-08-10T08:52:00.004Z

It's about time people started caring more about the Paralympics. The sports are, for the most part, much more interesting to watch, and following a reality TV trope of the "heart felt, tragic, backstory" becoming ubiquitous I can't imagine that people won't be interested in the athletes who take part. Perhaps not for the right reasons, but here lies my concern of the day...

Hearing that Channel 4 are putting money where their mouth is and will be financially and publicly supporting the Paralympics and advertising the games is fantastic news, but reading about the angle of the campaign gave me a second of worry. The games are to be advertised under the banner of "Freaks of Nature"

I mean, personally I am really happy to have publicity for such an exciting and enjoyable sporting event, but in the same way as I don't care about how tragic the latest X-Factor winners home life was, I don't think the excitement of the games comes from the disability but like the Olympics themselves, it comes from the Ability. Then I read the Guardian's article on the subject and saw the following quote from Channel 4's chief creative officer, Julian Bellamy:

"The Freaks of Nature marketing trail is part of a bold campaign that portrays Paralympians as Channel 4 feels they should be seen – supremely talented athletes who, like their able bodies sporting counterparts, are set apart from the rest of us by their staggering ability, not their disability."

It looks like the common sense approach has finally reached TV advertisers and we're going to have a series of insightful and interesting programmes that can easily run against or alongside programming about able-bodied athletes as they should be - equal and contemporary. The Paralympics, and Olympics, are less than two years away so to see that there might be some positive legacy for athletes of either event in our media is really reassuring to me.

I'ma space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon

2010-08-09T19:17:00.003Z

250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

I'm not just a music nerd, I'm a music enthusiast. I love finding a new record to love, I love finding an album that sucks me in and doesn't give me back my mind for weeks at a time. Fursty Ferret, the alter ego of my secretive music collaborator, gave me the 2009 and 2010 Eminem records, Relapse and Recovery. They came just after his musical hiatus and overlapped with his relapse and recovery from drug addiction.

I've always thought highly of his abilities as a rapper, musician, and producer, but these two albums give away much more of him as a person. In Not Afraid he raps;

And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last Relapse CD was "ehhhh"
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground

And he's right, you can tell something isn't right here. But if ever there was a rapper who could bounce back that's Slim. The hooks on this record are greater, production is inconsistent but generally good, and the collaborations with other artists all improve rather than detract from it. I would say that Recovery is the best, most lyrically intelligent and potent records that has been released by any Hip Hop artist in the last 5 years but without Relapse I'm not sure if I would love it so much. Supposedly Elton John phones Eminem regularly to check that he's still doing OK off the drugs, and from listening to these records you can feel how much better he's doing.

I for one am glad. Sure, rap music doesn't get the best reception, he's offended most of the musical community, and a few times I've turned the radio off when he starts bitching about problems, but Recovery is a tour de force and Relapse makes it all make sense. I've stuck some videos below, so enjoy. Or don't, I imagine he wouldn't give a fuck either way.

CAKE!

2010-08-09T13:31:00.002Z

I made a chocolate food cake with super strong coffee, butter cream icing, chocolate frosting on top and white chocolate buttons. I would give you the recipe but I can hear the cake calling me over and have to go now!

NOM

Fueling my beer belly

2010-08-06T11:23:00.004Z

Since I hit fake-adulthood, by turning 18 and being able to grow three facial hairs I have fancied going to the Great British Beer Festival. Every year since then I have managed to work for the entire length of the Festival and failed to go along, but thanks to a career change and a summer holiday built into my training this year I took myself and my compatriot Roberto off for some small beers in a blog post I will be calling:

Brunel University Young Adventurers Club Alumni's Big Day Out! (Or the BUYACA BIG DAY OUT to it's friends), featuring Fursty Ferret and Tarquin (or Rob and Fishandsteak, to regular readers)!

The GBBF is held at Earls Court Exhibition Centre, just a short train and tube ride from my head quarters. When the call came in, via Twitter, that there was an emergency at the Festival and not all of the beers had been properly tasted and sampled we jumped into action and rushed to Earls Court. Upon our arrival it was clear that things weren't right. There were lots of people, lots and lots of beer still to be tasted and only a few short hours to do it in. Straight away, like the consummate professionals we are, Fursty and myself set up a plan of action: Food, Beer, more Beer.

I started to make tasting notes, but not surprisingly they turned out to be pretty horrific by the last few beers. Nonetheless I have put some guidance below for anyone that wants to recreate the liver damage the BUYACA team took in order to save the world again:

Arrive, Ate a steak pasty and looked round a little.
Start the day with an Elgoods Black Dog. Dark, sweet and bitter, with a confusingly sharp after taste. The woman behind the bar chastised us for being too sensible and eating first, but more on that later.
7 minutes later I had a Fuller's Discovery and Fursty a London Pride, served by the brewery and tasting how they should. As two beers that are constantly served badly across the city it was a treat to get a taste of what they should really be like. The pride was more fruity and mild than I've noticed and my disco tasted of summer. Is that a legitimate flavour? I declare: YES!
After escaping quickly to the cash point, following the mugging that went along with the steak pasty, we bought a Harvey's Olympia. It was light, and citrusey and drank far more smoothly than I had expected, meaning not very long after it was time for...
Whitewater Crown & Glory. Neither of us had tried any beer brewed in Northern Ireland before, and wanting a single glass that could exemplify the best of NI beer. The lad behind the bar recommended this and he was right. Light and sharp, we drank it alongside some handmade pork scratchings that were salty enough to make Fursty start to worry for his health. Not the best match, but it kept us feeling good for a while after!
Moving back to the dark arts of brewing, and filling Fursty's goal of trying something from the delicious Isle of Arran, we had a glass of Arran Dark each. My notes took a downward slope here: "Strong, Dark, bitter and dry, Next to the channel islands?" I seem to remember this being a reference to the location of a channel islands brewer and the bar, but who can say for sure.Whilst buying this beer we bumped into the lady who served us our first pint, chatted about which bars were good at the festival, and somehow ended up with considerably more than the half we ordered each. I would like to point this out as the beginning of the end.
Staying with the North-of-the-border spirit we moved on to the Williams Brothers Fraoch Heather Ale. It was floral and light, but managed to remain bitter without tasting over hopped and losing some of the more subtle flavours that heather ales are known for. I think at this point I began to fight the urge to spend all day drinking this particular brew.
A quick branch from what we know and love came while we tried a half of the Painted Lady cider, a medium sweet blended cider. Looking through the programme now I'm starting to wonder if it really existed, but I can assure you it was good, and went perfectly with the 12" German Bratwurst (with extra mustard) that we had to try and defend our by now fragile stomachs.
A long walk back to the Channel Islands bar, and a progressively less patient barman while I tried a little of everything that was on offer and we had ourselves a glass of the Liberation Ale and Liberation Amber. I seem to think they were good, but part way through we decided (thank goodness!) that a state of teamergency must be declared and wandered off in search of a palette cleansing drink.
After a coffee and a tea, and finding an abandoned glass to begin my loud and fragile collection we wandered off in search of the by now famous Amber Chocolate Orange Stout. They must have run out a long time before we arrived as the barman was already telling someone ahead of me that they were out when we got there, but after some tasting and cajoling I stumped for the Woodlands Midnight Stout, one of the less burnt and bitter dark beers I have tried, and a pleasant treat.
Under the stomping sound of the Blockheads, the late, great, Ian Dury's band we decided the time had come to give in any semblance of sobriety and hit the Dutch Courage, finishing our night on a very large half of Bloed, zweet & tranen. I seem to remember it seeming like a good idea, but following patchy memories of the elephant woman, a Canadian Beer aficionado and the sole tasting note in my book of "Fuck Me!" being attributed to Fursty Ferret I can only presume it was the BEST IDEA EVER.

Leaving the Exhibition hall, under the weight of several bargains, a few borrowed items, and several very strong beers Fursty and I decided that while technically we never solved any crime or mystery we could rest safe in the knowledge that our hang overs wouldn't be a mystery in the morning.

The GBBF is awesome, I guess is my point.

- Over and Out, Tarquin.

The Twilight Saga continues

2010-08-05T10:37:00.003Z

Though many wish it wouldn't.

Someone explained what Twilight was to me a few months back, as I'm of the right age and gender to pretty much miss it completely (a generalisation, sure, but men in their twenties I've asked don't seem to know any more about Twilight than I do). Apparently it's about a Vampire and this girl and they're in love but he's a complete cock.

Last night I watched the second film in the series. I know it's the second because it makes absolutely no sense and gives no back story, so maybe I should have started with the first. Anyway, There's this guy who is all sparkly and he's brooding and violent so he pisses off and leaves Bella alone. She doesn't take that well and goes off on one being "depressed". I feel she's actually a bit of an attention seeker, but her family and friends seem to want to enable her so whatever. Then her mate gets topless and stops being her friend, instead choosing to spend all his time with his topless bloke mates. One presumes they're just good friends.

Then she starts seeing visions of the creepy vampire, but he wastes this gift by never turning up when she's on the loo and making her jump or anything else funny. Then he hears that she's dead somehow, and he also lives in Brazil now? So she rushes to 'Italy' to save him from the American Vampires that live in Italy. And then I got confused...

Supposedly one of the central themes of the film is that her not being a vampire represents celibacy, and watching it I have no reason not to believe that. But... Everyone else is really invested in her virginity if that's the case. I understand her topless buddy being into her not sleeping with Sparkles, but the vampires she just met?

Anyway, in the end it didn't really resolve anything, Bella is a complete self-centred douche and all her friends are monsters. No, literally, the men are all controlling violent pricks who abuse her constantly.

I Just don't GET this film. Is it an allegory for the failure of the Hollywood film industry? Or am I just to well read and grown up to think that there was a clever story in there somewhere?

PS. I'm sorry if you're a Twilight fan, but there must be a cure on the market somewhere.

The Jolly Reg-er

2010-07-31T09:22:00.002Z

A recent success in our wide and diverse family - The official pirate captain of the South East has won a competition as the owner of the best shed in the country!

A sheddie from Southend-on-Sea, Essex, has won Shed of the Year 2010 after beating off competition from 1,250 shed-lovers. Reg Miller’s pirate-themed shed, ‘The Lady Sarah out of Worthing’ named after his partner, was judged best shed in the competition sponsored by Cuprinol Sprayable and comes complete with a Koi Carp pond and even a parrot!
The judging panel, including Sarah Beeny and ‘Head Sheddie’ and creator of readersheds.co.uk Uncle Wilco and a whole host of other shed-loving luminaries, commented: “Reg shows that a perfect shed sums up the personality of the individual that created and uses it. The pirate atmosphere is superbly evoked throughout and underlines that when it comes to creativity, sheddies have it in spades.”

Reg comments: “I’ve spent years working on my shed and to win Shed of the Year 2010 is a real thrill – it’s the ultimate accolade for shed owners! It’s still a work in progress, as I’m constantly adding to my collection of pirate memorabilia and props and the shed is slowly but surely taking over the whole garden. It’s become a real talking point in the area and since I entered it in the competition, I’ve had loads of really positive comments from sheddies around the globe – it really seems to have caught everyone’s imagination! Funnily enough, I’ll be spending my winnings repairing my decking at the top of the garden! It has recently collapsed and I really want to spruce it up again so that I can use it for the summer and yes, I will be using Cuprinol products!”

Reg has won the £1,000 top prize and a range of shed-care products courtesy of Cuprinol Sprayable, sponsors of Shed of The Year 2010.

12 runners up each receive a shed care kit. The search for Shed of the Year 2010 began in August 2009, with the public voting for 13 category winners that were shortlisted for the final. The runners up were Dominic Jones from Liverpool for his Garden Office and Tim Massey from Cheshire for his Eco Shed.

Organised by the internationally famous readersheds.co.uk and sponsored by Cuprinol Sprayable, National Shed Week runs from 5th July and is the national celebration of one of the cornerstones of British culture.

During Shed Week a charity auction will take place on ebay to raise money for Bletchley Park and sheddies around the country will be celebrating in their sheds.

IF you are in the press and would like talk to our PR people then please Contact me.

So three cheers to the good ship Lady Sarah!

Going through hell

2010-07-31T08:45:00.005Z

Paris Roubaix is one of the most famous races in the world, and rightly so. Every year a professional field of 200 riders lines up to fight against the hardest roads, the worst weather and the toughest competition for 7 hours, most with the aim of surviving rather than winning.

Every other year there is an opportunity for masochists and crazies to take on the same route. I completed the ride in 2006 with the old git, and in 2008 we rode the Tour of Flanders, so it seemed only fair to try and do another run at the queen of the classics. As per usual we took very different approaches to our training. I rode less often than is ideal, but managed to force out several long solo efforts. Dad rode long Audax events, time trials, and generally lots more, but thanks to my secret weapon - The Rapha Hell of the North - I managed to sneak some degree of fitness out of my world-weary body before hitting the start line.

At a guess I would say that we had cycled some 30 miles of our 100 mile parcours before the rain. It had been tough going, I hit the first secteur hard, knowing that in 10 miles time I would have a fraction of the energy I did at that stage, and well and truly overcooked myself by the time the first raindrops hit. Within minutes we went from riding through dust clouds to muddy puddles, and the pace of the day was set - wet, dry wet, dry.

Despite being in some degree of agony, of the pain and aches and exhaustion, I would say this years event was more fun than 2006 by quite a long way. It's true that there is nothing in the world quite as tasty as a beer in Roubaix Velodrome.

Poptastic

2010-05-22T19:32:00.002Z

I think this post is going to be really unfair. Not necessarily on the musicians I'm planning to write about but on their no doubt loyal and devoted fans.

Pop Music, as an entity, is pretty shitty right now. I don't listen to/watch loads of radio or TV, but I pick up bits here and there and sometimes what I hear is awesome and sometimes it's not. There's always the good, the bad and the bland, but I haven't heard much of the good. I suppose it's hard to say accurately, but I'm just so dissapointed by the music scene right now.

The entire pop music scene feels very... middle of the ground. There are lots of pretty flowery singer song writer girls making same-same pop songs on a scale from Florence and the Machine to Cheryl Cole on the scale of production cost and I just don't really like any of it. That's not me saying I dislike the good old SSers because I don't. I love musicians like Regina Spektor and Charlotte Sometimes, but most of the stuff playing on the radio does nothing for me.

It's daft but during the time I've spent in cubicles looking after babies with the radio in the background (probably 100 hours since February) there is literally only one record I can say has stood out as being great...

About 5am on a night shift in paediatric wards there's this funny time where all the babies need attention at once. Most nights I worked on PlacementOne, as I was stood holding tiny people, dancing and singing along with the radio as the sun came up this song would come on and for that reason it stuck in my mind and makes me smile and think of the best thing about my career - being in a really great place and doing something worthwhile.

Life and times of a full time Murse

2010-05-07T13:37:00.002Z

The most common feeling that I'm having right now is exhaustion, narrowly pipping terror into first place. Being a Nursing student is pretty amazing - it's like going backstage at a really high profile concert every day, except you help save lives at the same time. The only issue I've found comes from being teased by an adolescent patient the other day:

While trying to explain where Student Nurses fit into the ward I managed to say that technically as supernumerary staff we're below everyone else. We have no responsibility, technically no qualifications and we're on the whole not thought of as being that important for the running of a ward. Then it hit me, there is one group of people that I can look down on without fear, one group who have it worse than us!

Fifth year medical students are the least lucky people on most wards. They're there to learn, and complete the basic tasks they need before getting a real job, but they can't do anything, be involved in anything or really even ask that many questions. In a few months they'll be the boss of me as they start up the hospital ladder but right now they need to come to the nursing students for help and I'm sure that's an important part of getting doctors with a bit of sense and grounding.

To finish let me tell you this - the patient in question told me I must be a loser because I'll never earn big money. It is really hard to convince a teenager that being happy is more important than a massive wage!

Two More Years

2010-04-29T10:27:00.002Z

One of the best live bands in the world, Bloc Party, have recently fallen from my regular play lists. I listen to dozens of records regularly and am always buying new ones, meaning sometimes I can forget about a band for months at a time.

This song, "Two more years" just came up on my Last.fm playlist and now I'm deep into their back catalogue remembering just how amazing they are and how badly I need their music. Listen and Enjoy is my point here, I guess.

In two more years, my sweetheart, we will see another view
such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

They say: 'be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way'
This pain won't last forever, this pain won't last forever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years so hold on

You've cried enough this lifetime, my beloved polar bear
Tears to fill a sea to drown a beacon
To start anew all over, remove those scars from your arms
To start anew all over more enlightened

I know, my love, this is not the only story you can tell
This pain won't last forever, this pain won't last forever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years so hold on

You don't need to find answers for questions never asked of you
You don't need to find answers

dead weights and balloons
drag me to you
dead weights and balloons
to sleep in your arms
i've become crueler since i met you
i've become rougher, this world is killing me

we cover our lies with handshakes and smiles
we try to remember our alibis
we tell lies to our parents who hide in their rooms
we bury our secrets in the garden
of course we could never make this love last
i said of course we could never make this love last
the only love we know is love for ourselves
we bury our secrets in the garden

Send "Two More Years" Ringtone to your Cell

L'enfer du Nord

2010-04-14T11:56:00.002Z

Somewhere around sector 7 I started to get a bit woozy. I think it was sector 7 at least... I'd been dropped from my group and the surface of the gravé had begun to disintegrate into little more than a river flowing down the hill. Turning over the big ring became harder, and then I started to stall even in a small gear. Eventually I had to admit I was going nowhere and start walking.

Sunday the 11th of April was Paris-Roubaix, so most eyes turned to watch the Pros fight it out over 260km through France. Here in London, however, Rapha - the most style conscious cycling brand I know of - held a one day homage to the Queen of the Classics with their 'Hell of the North' ride. The 100km ride took in 20 sectors of gravé, rough dirt and gravel roads that pay respect to the French and Belgian pavé, and was without question one of the best days I've had out on the bike in years.

Entry to the ride was free, with a route card, support on the way round, and food and inner tubes available to anyone who needed them, as well as a well earned bottle of Belgie Biere and some Frites at the finish - a pub showing the Live P-R coverage. The organisers are cycling fans, and you could tell that the day was more about atmosphere and fun than about hardcore sport - one of the rules for the ride was "No smiling - Remember you're a Belgian". The funniest thing was just how much the effort the Rapha guys clearly put in paid off: The atmosphere in the bunch as we entered each sector was electric, the smiles on almost every face were very obvious, and however they managed to give us sun all day it was a major coup.

Later on this year me and The Old Git are taking another run at the Sportive of Paris-Roubaix, and will be bringing back another cobble to sit on my shelf after our amazing day out in 2006. We aren't lucky enough to have proper cobbles over here, and thanks to Uni and work commitments I haven't had a huge amount of training time yet this season, so the gift of a big day out on rough and tumble roads from Rapha was really appreciated.

Keep an eye on their site, as we were assured that there would be more events in the coming years, and if you get the chance to ride one there should be no question of 'should I ride' just 'How PRO should I go'.
Full photo set from Rapha HERE

Tasteless title mk II

2010-04-08T12:05:00.003Z

My original title for this post was a pun that actually offended me, so I changed it. That's an interesting start to this post. In response to @Mencap_charity posting a link to a twitter users blog, which on the face of it is a post about comedy not being funny I though that I would draft a quick post. I apologise if this turns into a rant, or it ends up upsetting people; at times I know I write more analytically than emotively, but I'm a scientist so it's hardly a surprise.

The concept of free speech is Very Important to me; I've talked at length about it here. The minute we say that it isn't OK to talk or joke about something it stops being OK to talk about so many things we might as well not bother. That means that I don't feel bad when I laugh at the slightly dark humor so many nurses use to get through the day, it's fair game - everything is OK as a jumping off point for humor. The opposite to free speech must also be true in all circumstances however. The classic ideal here is that if you save a life you become responsible for it. The fact is when you say a word you become responsible for it. That means that you can laugh at what you like, you can say what you like and think what you like, but if someone gets upset and offended then it is your fault and, I believe, your problem.

The blog I mentioned above tells the story of a mother who went to see Frankie Boyle on his stand-up show tour, and took offense at his mocking of people with down's syndrome and their families because her own daughter has down's syndrome. The jokes upset her and when, as part of the show he tried to turn it back and mock her for being upset it sounds like he realised the power that his words, his creations, had. He explained why his humor was harsh, and by the sounds of it he backtracked a little.

Neither Boyle or the blog author are in the wrong here per se. He is OK to say anything, but then he must take ownership of his words. She is in the right to be offended, and douche bags who say "you knew what you were getting into" or "You PAID to see him!" need to grow up and shut up. The fact is words are powerful, the pen really can be mightier than the sword and if someone offends you with their words then it is their fault - be it intentional or otherwise.

Boyle can laugh at what he likes but he cannot hide behind free speech or his comedy persona when he genuinely touches a nerve (and it isn't just someone being contrary for the sake of it). I would never make a joke to another nurse that could offend someone listening - my words are my own and I respect my patients, their families, and my colleagues too much to risk that. Boyle fucked up a little here - he failed to take responsibility for his jokes and apologise and THAT is why it is disgusting that he made them, in my opinion.

My absenteeism

2010-03-18T18:25:00.004Z

I've been a bit absent of late, haven't I?

OK, so here's what's going on:

Nursing is really good, but the shift patterns and the intensity of the work means that I am constantly exhausted. I've ended up missing a month of training from the bike from my need for sleep, and am only now getting back on top of it.
I really want a Subway sandwich with KFC chicken bits in it. It sounds wrong but oh so right.
I haven't seen many people. If you are one of the people that I've missed since I started Placement then I am sorry, but I will be back again soon. I'm getting a handle on my routing but waking at 5 makes it hard to do much more than sleep before a 13 hour shift.

Sorry I suck at blogging, texting, tweeting and phoning, but I ain't dead yet!

A really sad history of the village of Alnerique

2010-03-18T18:14:00.003Z

Alnerique isn't, and to my knowledge never was, a real place. I saw Dartz, the band responsible for the EP "The Sad History of the Village of Alnerique", once. They played in my local venue when I was a teenager and they were excellent. Then last summer they split and I didn't here about it or particularly care, or at least I didn't until I heard their 8 track EP and realised what I had missed.

The EP tracks the founding of a Village, its growth, boom, and ultimately bust, finishing with a sombre reminder from a village resident in the track "The End, Moving On". It mixes Math rock, the rhythmic and sometimes atonal musical style that good indie music adopted some years back, with grooves and punk sounds, and is just fantastic.

Differing from the more edgy (not as in controversial, as in spiky and dangerous) punk they normally released this record is a wonderfully deep and layered record that I've loved listening to today and plan to continue doing so for sometime to come.

Try some HERE

I miss the days.

2010-02-03T09:51:00.002Z

10:43am: "Thank God that's over. I wonder what time I did. I think I could have saved 30 seconds on that corner, next time I'll take it wider."

10:42.30am: "Please hurry up, finish line. PLEASE!"

Emptiness and calm.

10:17am: "Breathe out."

10:16:55am: "Five, breathe in. Four, and out. Three, in, lean back. Two, small test push, breathe out. One, In. GO!"

10:16am: "nothing"

10:14am: "phew, I'm on time. This jersey is too hot, and my legs hurt. Ugh, why am I here?"

10:03am: "A few more pushes and I'll get to the start. My legs feel good, knees OK, back not bad. Glasses are steaming, is that a problem? Are the lenses right? I think this was the right bike, but should I be in another gear? Why is it so damn cold anyway?"

9:50am: "Everything's good. let's warm up. Did you know you should warms up about 30 minutes for a 10, to really hit the road running? I read about stretches for TT's, but I don't believe they always suit a rider, a little tendon stiffness actually increases force output, in most papers at least."

9:30am: "Ugh, why didn't I sign in earlier, I wonder if this number will fit my Jersey right. If i'm in a skinsuit I should try and fit it first. I wonder what I'll wear for the race, I can never work out how cold it will be when I'm going. As it's a ten I should wear a thicker Jersey to warm up at least, but I don't want to get too hot. If I take a drink in my pocket I can leave it wit hthe timekeeper, I don't think I'll need anything on the road."

9:25am: "Dammit, we're running later than I wanted, why aren't we already warming up. I reckon an hour or so should get me properly warm. I always mean to warm up for that long, but it's hard to get out that long when it's cold. My legs are stiff, and I feel sick. Is it worth racing today? Maybe I should just offer to marshal while Dad's on the road. Why are race HQs always hard to find? It makes no sense that we should be hidden behind some church hall. Oh, there's a sign."

8am - 9:20am: "So what do you think about today... How will we do? What's your training been like? Did you see the race on TV last week? How about today's race, who'll win? And in France? I didn't know that you went this way to the start..." et cetera ad infinitum.

7:30am: "Cold. Want to go to bed. Why are we awake anyway. Look at the wind, I'm not racing in that. This is stupid. Who would want to go to a bike race at this time of the day when it's so early. I think I'll just stay in bed for a few more hours."

5:30am: "I'm gonna fuckin' SLAY it tomorrow."

11:30pm: "I'm gonna fuckin' SLAY it tomorrow."

Where the money goes.

2010-02-01T17:28:00.003Z

I suppose before I start complaining I should make it clear that the comparison I'm about to make isn't entirely fair. NewUni is funded by the NHS, so as long as they fill their student quota the course will have the right level of funding and the lecturers needn't be forced into research heavy contracts. Additionally, a lot of this post is my opinion on HE rather than fact. The lack of references shows that much of it is just what I have experienced rather than facts.

My old University, where my first undergrad is from, has some problems I hear. When I was there I experienced the vicious cycle first hand, and I've seen how it can affect many different universities across the UK. Most of the money that universities receive and are free to spend is dependant on the Research Assessment Exercise scores that the institute gains. It is, therefore, in the interest of the institute to hire staff who qualify (i.e. non fixed-term contracted researchers) who are completing significant research in their field.

Because of the cost in this almost all lecturers are hired on the basis of being part researcher and part lecturer. The issue with this is that there is often seen to be a loss in the quality of teaching as staff are drawn away from the classroom. The loss of lecture time and time spent working for students aims results in a decrease in the quality of education, in term harming the student satisfaction during their degree.

Worse scores in the NSS mean less students want to study at a given institue and the quality of applicants (a horrible measure based on their entry qualifications) decreases. So the university spends more money on advertising and attracting applicants, whilst continuing the cull on quality lecture staff.

I don't know if this is an entirely fair assessment, but based on the satisfaction responses from my OldUni, where research was the main source of income, and my NewUni, where the course is publicly funded, I would say that the RAE only helps universities where students aren't considered as important as perhaps they should be.

rant over.

I am beautiful

2010-01-15T12:16:00.003Z

I am Beautiful. And so are you. Yes, you. I know about 50% of people (OK, that is awfully bad extrapolated data, but it's the best I can manage and I apologise.) will think "nope, not me, you must mean someone else" but I don't. Two things have crossed my mind when planning this blog: A TV programme I watched with my girlfriend and housemate; and a blog about women's rights from today's Guardian.

The Perfect Penis was the first episode in Channel 4's Penis Envy series, about men who were looking for surgical methods to give themselves their ideal penis. So much of masculinity is tied up in what we consider the perfect appearance to be, and the cases highlighted here were extreme examples of what men would do for a 'better' penis. There was a lot of discussion over why a bigger, as invariably that's what is meant by expression, penis was wanted but in the end the doctors performing operations and the men getting them all said it was a good thing.

The article in the Guardian, by Libby Brooks, was about women's self image, and how the codification and standardisation of beauty had led us to a position of not really knowing what women's bodies look like. In the article Ms Brooks argues that the feminist fight for equality was being undermined by a desire to be this cartoon image of beauty through any means necessary. A google image search for "beautiful women" provides a selection of bland homogenised images of what us chauvinistic bastards think women should be. The problem is, the pages of 99% of women targeted magazines, publications normally entirely edited and controlled by women, show the same thing. Grazia? Cosmopolitan? Skinny fake women.

This isn't new, or exciting news really. But I'm pissed off at it. I've been feeling a touch of pressure for our glorious media and peers to change my appearance lately. The "grow your hair, cut your hair, lose weight, work out, do this do that" gets to you eventually. In my life I've only ever done one thing for cosmetic purposes, and I reckon a tattoo is an acceptable thing to give in on.

Here goes the mission statement. don't believe the shit you read. You don't need to lose weight unless you really want to for your own ends or it affects your health. Taking of your glasses and letting down your hair works in movies but in the real world you look just as good with it up. So tell the adverts to fuck off, smile, and get on with it. You look good today, and so do I. FACT.

Neo-prohibitionists

2010-01-13T13:35:00.002Z

I am a future NHS employee. I am politically attuned, consider myself to hold well thought intelligent opinions (stop laughing at the back!) and most of all understand the scientific process, research methods, and statistics. In addition to this I am a beer lover.

I drink regularly, probably 3 or 4 times a week at my peak. I love a nice bottle of wine with dinner between Troublebubble and myself, and I love trying a new beer that I haven't tried before and have made some very squiffy tasting notes in the past. But am I an alcoholic? Am I drinking too much and causing myself permanent harm? If you believe what the recent Health Select Committee report on alcohol says that actually, yes, I am. And soon I will die, after causing the NHS a crushing financial burden and probably killing someone through my anti-social behaviour.

I really worry that our culture of blame and "nanny-statism" is going to start having an even greater effect on our liberties. The neo-prohibitionist movement has taken a big step in the HSC report to criminalise drinking, destroy our pub culture and tell us that even a few beers will end everything. The Tories, I heard this morning, plan to get rid of the unit system for measuring alcohol content and moving to a standardised system that I will presume how many steps towards the grave each alcoholic drink takes us. We can call them Camerons, after the gloaming face that looks down upon us from billboards across our nation.

Please, go read a more accurate and bullshit free analysis over at Pete Brown's site. Start at point number one and work forwards.

And don't believe the hype when the news tells you alcohol is destroying everything we've worked for when our entire nation was built on a pint of mild and a ploughman's.

This week...

2010-01-12T19:24:00.002Z

This week I have exams. I have an OSCE, which is a practical skills assessment. I have lots going on. And that is causing me problems right now. Right now I am feeling a bit grim and this is making things harder to get done, which is not good.

So if I'm distant or even non-existant then don't blame me, blame my man-problems. As of the 15th of February none of this is allowed to happen, so I'm going to make the most of this time while I can.

In the meantime here's something to keep you entertained:

Round 'em up.

2010-01-09T18:47:00.003Z

So there it was, Merry Christmas. I'm currently holed up in a study bunker in the furthest reaces of South Essex with last.fm playing, My phone bleeping and an essay not being written, so here is a blog giving my rundown of the best Music and Film of 2009, and what a year it has been for them! Once again the proviso that some of these aren't from this year, especially in the books section.

*edit i uploading and finishing this blog never really happened, did it? So here it is, only 2 weeks late!*

Best Films of 2009:

3) Inglourious Basterds. This film was very much the return to form of Director Quentin Tarantino. In a year that saw enough second world war films and documentaries to sink a U-boat (hmm, that doesn't work with submarines does it?) there was a selection of masterpieces to arrive. The Tom Cruise film "Valkyrie" gives a good example of how not to change history; it was long boring and acheived nothing. Inglourious, however, was so fictional and extreme in it's changes that it could be enjoyed at any level you wished. The hilarious dialogue, scrappy interweaved plotlines, and "Bear-Jew" made this more fun to watch than virtually anything else I've seen.

2) Public Enemies. Johnny Depp is a good actor. That can barely be argued, in my opinion. Christian Bale can be (when he isn't drawing bad press for being an arse hole, of course) pretty damn good too. Public Enemies took both actors strongest fronts and pitted them against each other in a fight to see whether good or a different kind of good will prevail. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and may have to see it again soon.

1) I know that technically this was a film from 2008, but who can say that it isn't one of the best films to have been released this year. Danny Boyles' casting, directing and post production was wonderful, and the result was exceptionally rewarding.

Best albums of 2009:

5) Mika - The Boy who knew too much
Another great pop offering from a talented performer and song writer.

4) Kevin Devine - Brother's Blood
When I saw him live he opened his lungs and this voice came out like I couldn't believe. For much of the gig he didn't use the microphone, it wouldn't have made any difference.

3) Brand New - Daisy
As Dark and sinister as any of their records, as lyrically inventive, as musically perfect and as emotionally draining. This was my favourite of their offerings so far, and after their performance at Glastonbury I cannot wait to see them again.

2) Biffy Clyro - Only Revolutions
I miss Biffy being as off the wall and as abstract as they once were, but I will always forgive them for their wonderful song writing and Simon's voice.

1) Frank Turner - Poetry of the Deed
Frank Turner is the man. End of Fuckin' conversation, OK?

Well, here it goes!

2009-12-19T20:59:00.002Z

Last year I gave you my run down of the year:

my top 3 books of the year
my top 3 films of the year
my top 5 records of the year.

I plan to repeat that this year before the New Year, but I still haven't seen Avatar or Where the Wild Things Are.

Off to watch "The Abyss". How did James Cameron make a cult film? Who knows.

Killing in the name

2009-12-19T20:17:00.004Z

I remember when I first heard the Rage Against The Machine (RATM) single "Killing in the Name". I was just starting to get morally, politically and musically atuned, and it was eye opening to say the least. The lyrics aren't exactly verbose; there's less than 100 diferent words used in the lyrics, which repeat and wind back on themselves many times. The point of the song is obvious - White supremacy and the indoctrination of each new generation into that racism. Fuck you, I won't let you force me into your bullshit.

This year it's been hijacked. In preparation for the christmas number one record a campaign has started to try and outsell the X Factor single, that has become our traditional expectation of the number one over christmas day. It's a nice idea - for the last 4 years we have had a single released by the X Factor winner and, as a music fan and critical listener, I don't care for those singles.

But, like Simon Cowell is suggesting, is this wrong, are we bullying a 18 year old singer by trying to bump him off of the number one spot? Whatever you think of "The Climb" one thing is certain, it's a nice pop song and nothing much more. A singer is singing someone else's song to someone else's arrangement. "Killing..." is a song written by a band, about something they believed in and has a powerful political message. Hmm, I'm suddenly feeling very anti-Disney here, but the Hannah Montana-owned song sure does hit that lovely "With God you can acheive whatever" that I feel RATM were actually working against.

I don't see this as an attack on Cowell or on Joe Mcwhatsit, it's an attack on the loss of our right to our own music. Frank Turner got it right when he sang on his new album, specifically in the track 'try this at home':

'Cause there's no such thing as rockstars there's just people who play music
and some of them are just like us and some of them are dicks
so, quick turn off your stereo; pick up that pen and paper
Yeah, you can do much better than some skinny half-arsed English country singer

'Cause we write love songs in C and we do politics in G
We sing songs about our friends in E minor
So tear down the stars now and take up your guitars
And come on folks and try this at home.

It's not Simon Cowells job to give us the Christmas number one, it's his job to sell downloads. It's our job to tell the music industry to shut up and do what we tell them - I don't want bland generic pop music, I want music that makes me hit the front of the stage and scream lyrics at the guy that wrote it. I love music, I don't see why it should be something that is fed to me when I can use a spoon all by myself.

Here's one for Chris Allen

2009-12-06T11:14:00.002Z

Apparently his Epic Blog is back up, so here's some Canadian advice for him, from Jam at Wasted Talent.

I couldn't find the copyright info for comics, so please let me know if you want me to take this down please! Thanks.

Ladies, please, one at a time.

2009-12-04T15:13:00.004Z

Ummm, as an addendum to my last post:

I found THIS BOOK during my research on femi-literature. And now I'm pissed off. Here is a book that from the outside is about empowering women to achieve their own success. Let off the shackles of enforced male rule and seek your own destiny. Here is the blurb:

Often females fall short of reaching their fullest potential because of distractions that become a part of their lives. Many times the distraction is male companionship, or difficult past experiential stronghold. Through her life experience, Andrenna encourages young women to strive for excellence in every area without compromising. She discusses how she overcame her obstacles. In addition, perfecting self before allowing someone to become a major part of her life, mainly male companionship is discussed. Inspiration and encouragement is evident page after page as explanation and advice is given on abstinence and the value of your body, personal attitude, and influential power, starting over and accomplishing set goals in spite of the circumstances. God says that he will give you the desires of your heart, but you first must obey Him. In obeying God, He will propel you to the next level and ultimately to your destiny. Remember any female can be an ordinary chick, but it takes a girl who sets the ground rule to become an Extraordinary Woman!

What. The. Fuck? Who managed to confuse obedience to a patriarchal religious belief to feminism and womens' rights? By obeying "him" rather than yourself you aren't being an empowered woman, you are being yet another puppet in the great scheme of male-centric society. Until that point I was mostly with it. It felt a little patronising, but much "entry level" feminist literature feels that way, often to make it seem more accessible for the women it aims to reach most desperately, those who are new to these ideas.

Sneak gender identity in there before society gets them.

2009-12-04T14:41:00.003Z

I was just looking for a gift for my sister on Amazon, and I think I found the best present for a grown woman with a Masters degree in Technical Science Facts ™. I daren't spoil Christmas again by telling you what I got her, but as a clue I want to talk about some books that I came across that were bought in favour of this one by Amazon shoppers. Lets start with this question: How early can we teach our children the difference between the genders?

There are two 'doodle' books you can buy; the book for boys and the book for girls. The Boys book is all about adventure and invention. "It is fun, simple, creative and packed with pirates, dinosaurs, robots and aliens". The Girls book is all about design and things being pretty. "It is fun, simple and creative and packed with fairies, princesses, ponies and pop-stars".

Don't girls like Knights, dinosaurs and trains? Don't boys like ponies, star fish, or castles? This isn't very subversive, I know, but it does make me wonder - why do little girls demand to be dressed in pink - does the fact that a search for "girls baby grows" brings up pages of pink child wear and the same for boys brings up all the blue and grey clothing you could want. Fact is, there is no need for this rubbish in this day and age - a gender stereotype intervention shouldn't be necessary until you realise your pre-adolescent son is already a misogynistic bastard or your 13 year old girl is planning on leaving school so a footballer can fund her life of handbags, but it feels more and more like a necessity.

I hope when I bring up my own children (scary thoughts mid-blog #2049 - one day I'm going to be a father!) I can stick to my convictions - it's a while off but I really do dream of being able to take my daughter camping and mountain biking and teaching my son to bake. Partly because camping is AWESOME and baking is ALSO AWESOME. I don't want my kids to think that their genitals determines whether they get to draw a robot or a bouquet, and in a very preachy way I want it to stop being what we all expect.

The greatest website of all time

2009-12-03T11:15:00.002Z

I read a story debunking the Tory leader David Cameron in the Guardian. It's a surprise right? But, the real surprise is that it was unambiguously his fault this time. Cameron spoke about the slide of our nation into Health and Safety MADNESS, pulling up notable examples of where H & S legislation has been eroding our civil liberties.

The Health and Safety Executive have an area on their website called Myth of the Month, a wonderful page giving pictures to illustrate their favourite H & S myth of every month. I'm waiting for their 2010 calendar to come out, but their '09 one is worth a read. And the best bit about the DCam speech is that every single one of his examples has been featured in their myths section.

I don't like the men in blue much, but I love a good laugh, and after BoJo this is the funniest thing to come out of the Conservatory camp since I've followed politics.

But then again, the HSE don't allow political blogging because I might choke on my opinion while I write this. Honest.

Quotation marks? About 9 out of 10.

2009-11-30T19:05:00.001Z

Quote of the Day

"This guy's walkin' down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, "Hey you! Can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole; can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can ya help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are ya stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.?"
-Leo McGarry, from The West Wing (1999-2006)

Thanks to Least I could do for this one.

Freedom of Preach

2009-11-30T11:54:00.004Z

My earlier freedom of speech post was a thinly veiled reference to things going on in the real world. In America a Supreme Court ruling in 1995, McIntyre v. Ohio Elections Commission has shaped their freedom of speech and the right to anonymity that it associates:

Protections for anonymous speech are vital to democratic discourse. Allowing dissenters to shield their identities frees them to express critical, minority views . . . Anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority. . . . It thus exemplifies the purpose behind the Bill of Rights, and of the First Amendment in particular: to protect unpopular individuals from retaliation . . . at the hand of an intolerant society.

In anonymity is the tool that allows the few to speak against the voice of the many - by associating ones identity with ones words we risk losing our freedom from repercussions over our opinions. Anonymity is something that we have to actively work for - it is not enough when working online to have a secret identity, as everything can be traced back to its author with virtually no work at all. Having read my blog you could easily find out who I am, where I live, and anything else.

Because of this many people decide to go without anonymity - there are hundreds of Facebook groups that allow people to publicly assign themselves to a cause. I blog next to a picture of myself - anyone could see me with virtually no effort - why hide when hiding is pointless? Because of this, however, it sometimes feels like we cannot write what we think or feel. Others write their own truths knowingly without anonymity, relying on our society to recognise that the truth cannot be considered libelous, cannot be considered slanderous, and is the truth. Sometimes our society fails to protect them.

I have seen this today, and if I wrote more I would join in this loss of freedom. It is disgusting.

Georgie Boy

2009-11-29T11:25:00.003Z

George Orwell was all kinds of genius. I always had a feeling that this was the case - from reading Animal Farm at school to reading 1984 since leaving university, but having read his 1949 essay "The Moon Under Water" I can confirm it. Enjoy:

The Moon Under Water
by George Orwell
Evening Standard, 9 February 1946

My favourite public-house, the Moon Under Water, is only two minutes from a bus stop, but it is on a side-street, and drunks and rowdies never seem to find their way there, even on Saturday nights.

Its clientele, though fairly large, consists mostly of "regulars" who occupy the same chair every evening and go there for conversation as much as for the beer.

If you are asked why you favour a particular public-house, it would seem natural to put the beer first, but the thing that most appeals to me about the Moon Under Water is what people call its "atmosphere."

To begin with, its whole architecture and fittings are uncompromisingly Victorian. It has no glass-topped tables or other modern miseries, and, on the other hand, no sham roof-beams, ingle-nooks or plastic panels masquerading as oak. The grained woodwork, the ornamental mirrors behind the bar, the cast-iron fireplaces, the florid ceiling stained dark yellow by tobacco-smoke, the stuffed bull's head over the mantelpiece —everything has the solid, comfortable ugliness of the nineteenth century.

In winter there is generally a good fire burning in at least two of the bars, and the Victorian lay-out of the place gives one plenty of elbow-room. There are a public bar, a saloon bar, a ladies' bar, a bottle-and-jug for those who are too bashful to buy their supper beer publicly, and, upstairs, a dining-room.

Games are only played in the public, so that in the other bars you can walk about without constantly ducking to avoid flying darts.

In the Moon Under Water it is always quiet enough to talk. The house possesses neither a radio nor a piano, and even on Christmas Eve and such occasions the singing that happens is of a decorous kind.

The barmaids know most of their customers by name, and take a personal interest in everyone. They are all middle-aged women —two of them have their hair dyed in quite surprising shades—and they call everyone "dear," irrespective of age or sex. ("Dear," not "Ducky": pubs where the barmaid calls you "ducky" always have a disagreeable raffish atmosphere.)

Unlike most pubs, the Moon Under Water sells tobacco as well as cigarettes, and it also sells aspirins and stamps, and is obliging about Jetting you use the telephone.

You cannot get dinner at the Moon Under Water, but there is always the snack counter where you can get liver-sausage sandwiches, mussels (a speciality of the house), cheese, pickles and those large biscuits with caraway seeds in them which only seem to exist in public-houses.

Upstairs, six days a week, you can get a good, solid lunch —for example, a cut off the joint, two vegetables and boiled jam roll—for about three shillings.

The special pleasure of this lunch is that you can have draught stout with it. I doubt whether as many as 10 per cent of London pubs serve draught stout, but the Moon Under Water is one of them. It is a soft, creamy sort of stout, and it goes better in a pewter pot.

They are particular about their drinking vessels at the Moon Under Water, and never, for example, make the mistake of serving a pint of beer in a handleless glass. Apart from glass and pewter mugs, they have some of those pleasant strawberry-pink china ones which are now seldom seen in London. China mugs went out about 30 years ago, because most people like their drink to be transparent, but in my opinion beer tastes better out of china.

The great surprise of the Moon Under Water is its garden. You go through a narrow passage leading out of the saloon, and find yourself in a fairly large garden with plane trees, under which there are little green tables with iron chairs round them. Up at one end of the garden there are swings and a chute for the children.

On summer evenings there are family parties, and you sit under the plane trees having beer or draught cider to the tune of delighted squeals from children going down the chute. The prams with the younger children are parked near the gate.

Many as are the virtues of the Moon Under Water, I think that the garden is its best feature, because it allows whole families to go there instead of Mum having to stay at home and mind the baby while Dad goes out alone.

And though, strictly speaking, they are only allowed in the garden, the children tend to seep into the pub and even to fetch drinks for their parents. This, I believe, is against the law, but it is a law that deserves to be broken, for it is the puritanical nonsense of excluding children —and therefore, to some extent, women—from pubs that has turned these places into mere boozing-shops instead of the family gathering-places that they ought to be.

The Moon Under Water is my ideal of what a pub should be —at any rate, in the London area. (The qualities one expects of a country pub are slightly different.)

But now is the time to reveal something which the discerning and disillusioned reader will probably have guessed already. There is no such place as the Moon Under Water.

That is to say, there may well be a pub of that name, but I don't know of it, nor do I know any pub with just that combination of qualities.

I know pubs where the beer is good but you can't get meals, others where you can get meals but which are noisy and crowded, and others which are quiet but where the beer is generally sour. As for gardens, offhand I can only think of three London pubs that possess them.

But, to be fair, I do know of a few pubs that almost come up to the Moon Under Water. I have mentioned above ten qualities that the perfect pub should have and I know one pub that has eight of them. Even there, however, there is no draught stout, and no china mugs.

And if anyone knows of a pub that has draught stout, open fires, cheap meals, a garden, motherly barmaids and no radio, I should be glad to hear of it, even though its name were something as prosaic as the Red Lion or the Railway Arms.

I need you to tell me it's OK

2009-11-21T22:56:00.003Z

Editors are a damn good band, I feel like I had forgotten that of late. Now me, them, a glass of water and a novel of social philosophies are off to bed.

Dooce Bag

2009-11-14T19:18:00.002Z

Dooced: to lose one’s job because of one’s website.

Or, from the (sorry) horses mouth:

I started this website in February 2001. A year later I was fired from my job for this website because I had written stories that included people in my workplace. My advice to you is BE YE NOT SO STUPID. Never write about work on the internet unless your boss knows and sanctions the fact that YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT WORK ON THE INTERNET. If you are the boss, however, you should be aware that when you order Prada online and then talk about it out loud that you are making it very hard for those around you to take you seriously.

(Dooce.com/about)

Things on the internet can be messed up. It is a rapidly developing area that literally is changing every few minutes. The memes of yesterday are the 4chan fodder of today. As such, it is also leading to a very interesting situation as regards this "web 2.0" thing that we all hear so much about. Web 2.0 is generally considered to be the interactive, social, adaptable internet that Facebook, Twitter and Blogger, amongst hundreds of others, have produced. At any time we can log onto our twitter and write what we're feeling, doing, thinking or intentionally not thinking. Twitter lets us be sincere, drunk, funny, passive, aggressive, or whatever else we feel like. To me that's the point of web 2.0, to let us do whatever we please in the safe confines of a 1920 x 1090 monitor.

The corollary of my web 2.0 theory must be that for everything we can post because we're free to do so, we are also bound by the fact that anyone else can read what we posted free from context, free from any actual emotion (no, emoticons DON'T count) and it's easy to take things out of context. I suppose it could be argued that within the generation that created such a culture this should be understood but I know that too many people take facebook statements and tweets as fact, and not with the pinch of salt they are intended.

This, rather obviously, can be contentious. I started out with an Urban dictionary definition for "Dooced", named after a popular American blogger who said the wrong thing too publicly, too loudly, and without enough privacy and was fired from her job. It's somewhat a groundbreaking case not because she lost her job for publishing something the firm wanted to keep private, but because she is the most high profile blogger to have done so. The painful irony was the mass of negative publicity that her former employee gathered out of it. Ranting about work, exaggerating for comic effect, and venting after a bad day are pretty common occurrences the world over - but firing her for it resulted in the company's identity being properly revealed and a lot of information about exactly how she lost her job to be widely spread.

The problem comes down to a combination of free speech, libel, and company policy. Free speech protects what we say, libel protects the third party from written words meant to harm, and company policy messes the whole world up. Legally the UK faces a situation that blogs and forums do not face libel law in the same way as a newspaper - the writing of blogs is more akin to publishing 'honestly held personal opinion' rather than a libelous claim (Smith v ADVFN Plc and others [2008]).

The issue comes when companies tie their employees in under excessive policy. No business wishes to have harm done to it's public opinion by some jerk sat behind a keyboard, and you would be hard pushed to find someone that could argue that's fair for that to be allowed, but does that mean that a legitimate opinion cannot be expressed? I am willing to write here that I think LG's warranty policy is the best available in the UK, and they'd be happy to hear that, even if I was an employee. But what if I write that I found the warranty process of Bib's TVs * to be horrendous, and that we should all steer clear. Does that instantly become defamation of Bib's TVs and cause for legal action? No, that's a legitimate opinion about a business. If I worked for them, however, and wrote how I wouldn't risk buying from them because of this I'm putting myself at risk for damaging their reputation.

There needs to be a look at this on a national level. I never want to lose my job for over-disclosure or for stating an honestly felt opinion, and no company wants to fire a member of staff because they threatened the company's reputation, which seems fair enough. I just don't think that companies should be able to push their staff off the edge for what as far as British Law is concerned is free speech. The managers who fire and punish for opinions are only going to bring themselves more negative publicity, especially on the web and we all know how damaging that can be.

*It was Bob's, but that's a real company, and I wouldn't want to get sued over this blog would I!

The concept of self

2009-11-11T18:05:00.003Z

I'm currently in the middle of a book called "Prozac Nation", a really unusual choice for me given that I generally don't like memoirs and I generally don't like being told to emotionally connect to a character. But I started so I'll finish:

The book is about the authors journey through depression and pharmaceuticals as she tried to put herself back together. For me it's really badly timed that I'm being forced into identifying with the character as I'm on a relatively low spot, but I digress. The book is well written, and though it hasn't got very far into the good stuff yet it's always interesting to gain another perspective on the depression, given how much of my life it has affected in the last 7 years or so.

People don't want to take anti-depressants for a lot of reasons, but the main one is a fear that it will change them, change their personality, and stop them being, well, them. I fell into this category until quite recently, but I'm now starting to pull round and look at myself after a prolonged period taking the green-and-yellow pills, and realise what it is they do.

SSRIs do change your personality a little - I'm certainly more highly strung now than I was before, and I feel faster in my own head - I talk faster for example. but in addition to that they take a bulldozer and flatten life's mountains and fill life's valleys. Instead of finding myself on a scale of one to 10 I'm now living life on a scale of 4 to 8. I miss feeling tip-top, feeling ten out of ten, but I don't miss hitting the bottom in the slightest.

This post came from a conversation I was having with a friend this week about how, as nice as the drugs are it feels like they're tricking you. I know I'm depressed at the moment. I'm feeling lower than normal I guess, but mostly because my physiological responses to depression are pretty routine now, and I'm having every single one. I need more sleep, I feel a little lost and anxious, I'm reacting badly to stress. But I'm not unhappy, or even remotely down. Talking about this made me realise that actually, the only thing that the drugs to change, aside from giving me occasional headaches and making me drink a lot more water, is my personality. Because I don't care that I'm depressed, I just get on with things and live my life as if nothing is going on. As my mother described them, the pills make you sleep 8 hours a night and eat three times a say and nothing more - they just let you get on with your day.

And right now, knowing that my brain wants to be feeling much more down than I'm letting it, being able to just get on with my day would be a real treat.

Oh well, back to lectures!

This is getting a bit Morbid, I know.

2009-11-08T08:34:00.003Z

So please bear with me.

In 2006 a track rider named Isaac Galvez died during competition at the Gent 6 day. He was in a serious crash and hit his chest on the top of the safety barriers. At the time you could find things like youtube videos of the accident, but I don't want to post one here. I was shocked - riders don't die very often in races, and since crash helmets became mandatory it's even more rare. Track riders don't have traffic or dangerous roads to deal with, so it's easy to forget that there are massive risks involved, but losing a 31 year old world champion brought this home to a lot of riders.

Of all of the shock felt by cyclists who read this story none could have been as affected by it as Dimitri De Fauw. De Fauw was involved in the accident - when Galvez crashed so did he. For a long time after this he struggled badly with depression, and understandably so. To be involved in the death of a colleague, even when it was just a "normal" collision during a race, would be devastating and with 6 day racing being such an insular sport it must have been even harder.

On Friday morning De Fauw took his own life, despite his apparent recovery from the accident and depression that followed he obviously saw no other way out and the world lost a second talented young rider. This seems even more unexpected than Galvez death, to me certainly, and is a tragedy to the sport of cycling.

I'm not being racist but...

2009-10-29T13:16:00.003Z

A huge thank you too Sarah for giving me the heads up on a programme recently played on Channel 4 here in the UK - Race and Intelligence: Science's last taboo. I just spent an hour of my life watching Rageh Omaar investigate the truth behind this debate, and have to admit that while I didn't expect to enjoy it as such I really did!

James Watson, one of the discoverers of DNA and it's DNA double-Helix structure was recently at the centre of a storm over supposedly racist comments he made - that Africans are naturally less intelligent than White Europeans. It's hardly a new idea, and in our racist society that has spent most of the last 500 years undermining minorities and denying it the idea gets brought up about every ten years.

The first part of the show is hard going. Omaar, and Black British journalist, comes face to face with a lot of the scientists and high profile figures that are claiming race has a lot to do with intelligence, and it makes for uncomfortable viewing. I'm often uncomfortable to discuss our race with my white friends, for concern that they might take offence, so how these men can look Mr Omaar in the face and tell him that blackpeople are less intelligent is mind boggling to me. The idea at first is that there is genetic variation in intelligence, and that this variation correlates with racial make up. East Asians are smarter than Whites who are smarter than Blacks and so forth.

I was brought up believing that intelligence is multi-faceted, as suggested by Howard Gardner's model from 1983. Different areas of intelligence exist, ranging from spacial awareness to musical intelligence or mathematical intelligence. It is possible to have higher scores in one type of intelligence than another - evidence of which is seen in people like David Beckham. Few would say that he gives a clever or insightful interview, but on a football field he sees something that I could never hope to understand and is exceptionally intelligent.

Towards the end of the programme, after visiting Dr James Flynn, we start to broach this idea of intelligence. IQ is denounced as simply a single measure of a type of intelligence, and the Flynn effect shows that IQ is increasing over time in our populations. It is possible to learn to do well in an IQ test. By learning the types of questions asked you can force your results to improve and score higher. The final segment of the programme discussed how this happens in society - how parental influence and a desire to learn, how changes in our culture and society all lead to higher IQs.

Personally I think intelligence is down to opportunity, luck, and using what talents you were given much more than it could ever be down to race. To argue that my skin colour, or even my brain size, affects my intelligence seems wrong and flawed. But to avoid the subject seems even worse. Look up some research on race and intelligence and see what you think? I know working with the Urban Scholars would have been a waste of my time if I put stock in that sort of theory - there's more correlation to race and soft drink than there is to race and intelligence in the kids we work with. More important than judging someone's intelligence is supporting their learning, their aspiration, and their will to succeed, because the smartest person is lost without those.

Windows 7. Like vista, but not shit.

2009-10-27T11:52:00.004Z

Windows 7 was released amidst unexpected publicity from the evil bastards at Microsoft. When XP was released (the earliest OS release I can remember) I know it was a big deal, but so many people were happy with their windows 98 ME or 2000 machines, and the hardware requirements seemed so prohibitive, that it wasn't a leap.

The same happened for Vista. It came with new PCs, but so what, for the majority of tasks people wanted XP, the release version was a bit buggy so it picked up awful press, and 3 years on people still joke about how shitty Vista is, despite service packs, patches, and hail-mary code passes.

Obviously having a second fuck up of an OS release wasn't an option for microsoft, so 7 had to be everything. The release candidate that I ran on my 3 year old laptop was nice. It worked better than Vista, it worked better than XP most of the time, and it looked pretty. So when my release copy of Windows 7 pro became available on thursday I downloaded it, installed it, and have been using it since. And do you know what? As yet my only complaint is that Office 2007 can't match the delightful green colour scheme I chose for Windows itself.

My 3 year old box of crap has been resurected as a fast and fun machine for less than £50, to buy new RAM and a new OS, and this is bound to give me at least another year or so out of it. Windows 7 might not be the best thing in the world, Linux and OS X fan boys will still argue its faults, but it really is good enough for me!

Pint of Best and, what crisps have you got mate?

2009-10-26T17:45:00.002Z

I love the pub. One of the things I miss most about my post-graduation job and lifestyle is the days of being able to go to the bar and get a round in. Part of what I love about the pub is the beer, obviously. I don't drink all that much these days, though I probably am guilty of giving a different estimate to every health professional that asks me my weekly consumption. And by drinking less it makes my trips to the pub much more important and enjoyable. I like the atmosphere of a good pub, the food and drink, and the fact that as a 22 year old man I have pretty much gained a complete understanding of pub etiquette.

I read two unrelated articles today on Pub-rules LINK 1 & LINK 2 which made me think. I remember when I was younger and the pub was a bit of a mystery. There was only a short period of my life, between my 17th and mid 18th year, when I fit the traditional lager drinker model, and very quickly moved on to real ale, continental beers (no, not Stella, real Beer), and good old style scrumpy, and I feel that this has led to my drinking habits and the rules I follow.

The blokes I went to uni and worked with when I first came to Uxbridge knew how to drink properly. Not just in terms of volume mind, they knew how to drink socially, and I quickly learnt how to work with rounds, with different peoples drinks, and learned pretty much all of the skills that good bar staff need to know, just through the bottom of a pint glass!

Since I've been poorer than at any time of my adult life in recent months I have had a problem with going to the pub as much as I like, but this causes problems. My usual drinking buddies have either left, moved on, or just got other people to drink with, and all of my new friends are women of the "glass of rose" variety I think, so who the hell can I go to the pub with to compare the character of a porter from a city brewer to a golden ale from the country with?

Pint, anyone?